the los angeles temple

okay so i really should be writing stuff down in my journal, but i really hate writing my journal, so i blog so all of you guys are pretty much reading what i would have written in my journal, so respect it! :D plus this is prolly gonna be a really long one, so if you don't really wanna read it then don't. cuz this is my life. i'm totally fine with anyone reading it of course, i just don't want to be missunderstood. ya know??

so we'll start with sunday of my week. sunday was a rough day for me....taking the sacrament has been really special for me lately, and sunday it especially touched me and then the patriarch spoke. he didn't talk about patriarchal blessings, but he talked about free agency. he gave some examples of people in his life. well to try to make this shorter, one of them was pretty much the only member in his family, and made some really good choices as a teenager ALONE and has now been a bishop and stake president. the other had a strong family and had been raised right, but made some not so smart decisions at 17 and ended getting married and then divorced and has never really been happy and can't seem to understand why his life is hard. well of course by the time he was done saying that i was crying. i just couldn't help but see the me that i was 4 months ago growing up and ending up shacked up and knocked up in ghetto little st. david. it would have been so easy to get there. well then we were getting ready to go on a temple trip and i needed another interveiw with bishop to get okayed to go, and he was out of town. well that was discouraging cuz i really felt like i just needed to be there and that i was ready to be there. well then after young womens i talked to the couselor in the bishopric and he said that bishop had put my name on the temple recommend list before he left. i was ecstatic! well then after church i ended up calling natalie and just crying to her and actually almost yelling at her about how dumb i was and how the things i had done had jeopardized so much....then came monday

well after school....as you know from the below post....we went to go try to get me into some english classes so that i could graduate at the end of summer. well then that went to pot and i was really upset. two days in a row i bawled my head off for making dumb decisions that made life so much more complicated. well i talked to Dad about options and i ended up just being mad and crying more to him and i honestly think i may have scared him a little bit because i was a mess. well after lots of talking and lots of prayers on elise's end..we decided that the decision can't be made yet, so i may be here another semester, but that mostly only means i'll be able to go to GIRLS' CAMP BABY!!!! in california (sorry all you amazing arizonites). then comes tuesday....

when i got home from school i had an email asking if i would meet with the bishop for a temple recommend interveiw. that scared me a little bit of course, but i knew it would be fine cuz i knew that i was temple worthy. well then i also had an email from the oh so marvelous Alison asking if i would help her with her math homework. yea, she's smarter than me, so that didn't work out so well. but it was fun. then we went to the interveiw. of course that went well. then i got home and decided that i had some big decisions to be making in the next couple days/weeks so i would go to the temple fasting. well then when i went to bed that night i read my scriptures, as always, and then knelt down to say my prayers and open my fast for the following day. well for some reason i couldn't get myself to dedicate my fast to my decisions. i just felt like i was stressed and that my fast would be hard and irreverent if doing that. and i couldn't get this impression to shake that i needed to fast for something else...something so much more important...and then for the first time in my life i opened a fast of gratitude. i knelt there bawling my head off (3rd night in a row) and thought of all the things i had to be thankful for in this beautiful life. and then after closing my prayer i decided that along with my fast all of my prayers on wednesday would be prayers of only thanksgiving.

well of course i was asked to give opening prayer in seminary, so i asked for one thing for all of us kids in seminary. so prayer has become a bigger part of my life in the last few years than i thought it ever could be. well at school here it's become something that i can rely on seeing as i don't know too many people and even those that i do know i don't want to become so close with them that their veiws will start effecting any of my decisions. so multiple times during the day i had a hard time trying to think of things to be grateful for instead of asking for help and strength throughout the day. then school ended and i got to have the humbling experience of doing baptisms for those on the other side of the veil.

Los Angeles Temple

sitting in the chapel dressed in a white jump suit i had a little bit of time to think, and then bishop asked me to say the opening prayer. well number one i only wanted to use thanks. second, i knew my emotions were still very frail from the previous few days. third i stood there and looked at the youth and saw all these amazing kids that i had grown to love so much in the last couple months especially and felt like the least worthy person in the room to be praying to open their temple experience. i mean not that i'm any less worthy than any of them right now, but i couldn't even imagine that any of these kids, who were surrounded by so much more bad, would ever even think of giving any heed to satan's painful plan. yea so it was a hard prayer for me (i did end up asking for one or two things again, but it was a pretty decent length prayer.) well then on top of all that the coordinater guy that talked to us right after that, talked about the spirits being granted the priviledge of being in the temple when their work was done, and i couldn't help but feel like there were a few special spirits there who were only there for me and were super proud of me and telling the other spirits there that one of their posterity was finally choosing the right so that she could do their work. the temple was just gorgeous.

then at about 7:30 or so my belly was finally satisfied with a large bowl of rice and orange chicken from panda express :)

then that evening i decided to dedicate my regular book of mormon reading to doing a little bit of studying on gratitude and any possible correlation that it could have with decision making and this is what i found :

well first off i read this verse, i'm only posting this for any of you who are current on my Michael escapades enjoyment....

Doctrine & Covenants 78

16 who hath appointed Michael your prince,

and established his feet and set him upon high.

anyways....the actual scriptures that helped (also in 78

17 verily verily i say unto you, ye are little children and ye have not as

yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own

hands and prepared for you;

18 and ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer for i will lead you along.

the kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours

19 and he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious;

and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more

and then i found...

Doctrine & Covenants 97

12.....that there may be a house built unto me for the salvation of Zion--

13 for a place of thanksgiving for all saints and a place of instruction....

i'll let you (whomever you are) interpret those as you would, but all i know is that for the 4th night in a row i was crying, but for some reason i knew that i was alright. no matter what i do or what happens schoolwise and whatnot i am going to be okay because i have the lord on my side and he'll support me.

anyways i knew that was going to be a long one, but the whole point of that is that i'm obviously here (in california rather than idaho) because the circumstances here are what i needed. yet again the church has proven to me to be the only truth and security this world is offering right now....<3