Modesty

I’m a 22 year old female. I am 5’7” and normally around 115 pounds. Weight comes off easily for me and I find myself struggling to gain weight more often then I struggle with losing it.

I'm not that hot blond, whose shorts are evidently too sort, walking into a YSA activity showing off toned golden legs, who makes all their heads turn. I struggle when that girl walks in the room, not because I couldn't be her, but because I COULD be her. 

It would be easy. 

I have it in my budget to tan once a week and I would LOVE the extra Vitamin D and warmth that comes from UV rays. I have a free gym at my apartment complex and I have enough time to spend an hour 3 days a week to tighten up. And as much as I love fast food, it would be easy to cut out of my diet (and my budget).

I. Could. Be. That. Girl.

I want to share a couple of experiences that have happened this week that made me take a step back and reevaluate my view of modesty.

Sunday at Stake Conference I was approach by a young man. It was evident that he was not a member of the church. He asked me my name and looked surprised when I said Elise. He then told me I looked just like this girl he knows in Texas. I laughed and explained that I have a familiar face and get approached with a doppelganger comment about once a month. His response was “she’s really pretty, you’re really pretty.” And gave me enough information to facebook stalk her.

My roommate and I laughed about the experience as we drove home. Later I took the opportunity to find pictures on facebook of this girl that I apparently looked a lot alike. I was sad and offended at what I found. Every picture of this girl was borderline pornographic. She was a party animal that spent most of her time in bars wearing very little clothing. My heart sunk and my eyes teared as I contemplated what the young man that approached me was thinking. I don’t even want to know what his view had been of me because of the lack of respect the doppelganger had for her body.

Now, story number two. I was informed this week that the boy I just broke-up with shared a single bed with a girl this weekend at an overnight event. Not a sin I know and not necessarily something that I would never do, but also not safe. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that when that exact opportunity had presented itself just weeks prior while he was dating me, it wasn’t even considered and we cuddled late before going to sleep in separate rooms.  It has been made evident in my recent relationships early on where my line is. The sad thing is, I was so jealous of this girl when I found out. But quickly that jealously turned to sadness as I thought of how sad it was that she was not shown, neither did she demand, the same respect this boy had shown me.

Monday night as I laid awake in bed, not able to sleep because of the battle I was having in my mind about modesty, another memory was brought to my mind. 

About 2 months ago, I sat in front of my bishop and had the last of a series of interviews to be able to receive my own endowment. There were a couple of things my bishop said to me that I would not have remembered if I hadn’t had these experiences this weekend. At one point he was talking about dating and men and he made a comment about the line in dating and not letting a boy disrespect my wishes or body. I looked up at him and smirked. He quickly added, “I can tell you don’t have that problem Elise, do you?” He was aware and I was aware that I am the type of person that boys respect.  As I stood up to leave that appointment my bishop gave me a hug and said, “You’re a good girl, Elise. I can tell.”

Remembering this experience with my sweet bishop reminded me who I am and who I want to be. I am not that girl who turns heads when she walks in the room. I am not that girl that dresses immodestly to make herself look more desirable. I am not the girl in my office that flirts with the boss to get ahead. I am not the girl that shares a bed.

I am Elise Jones. I am flaming white. I know what I want. I am bold. I am respected. I am a good girl.