it's still a new year

so i'm sitting here where it is 63 degrees outside and 70 degrees in here and i'm still shivering. i'm getting sick but that's not a surprise seeing as now that it's march it's becoming spring and getting warm so my body knows it. i get sick every time the season changes and i hate it, but i'm used to it. not too bad of a sinus headache yet, just itchy ears, eyes, and throat and a lot of sneezing.

one of my goals for a long time has been to donate blood, so 6 months ago when i turned 17 i was so excited, but i didn't meet the weight requirement. well i've been trying so hard to be able to do that and then we were at a doctors appt the other day and i went in and talked to the blood center where they always take blood and they told me that i absolutely HAVE TO weigh 110 pounds naked. well a year ago that would have been great, but thanks to matthew agreeing to take the discussions last march, i lost 6 pounds, and since i'm done growing and everything, i haven't put any of it back on. in fact when i got here i weighed in at 102 rather than 106, but i've been eating myself sick, and after dinner tonight i weighed 109. i know that it sounds bizarre that i'm trying so hard to gain weight, but i actually kind of get a thrill out of needles and i'm healthy, so giving blood won't be a problem and they need it, so i've been so upset that they won't take mine. a week from tomorrow there is a blood drive at the church and i decided i'm giving blood there no matter what! hopefully they don't have a scale there, cuz even if i don't weigh 110, my license says i weigh 112. which i did for a long time. so my grandma says she's gonna video me giving blood and i'll post it if it actually happens. also one of my goals in life is to donate a kidney, because it seems so selfish to me to have 2 when some people don't even have one. so someday, but dad is making me keep one at least until we're sure no one in the family will need one.

okay well that was a lot of pointless... i really got on here to share how inspired i know the general authorities are. i know that sounds weird, but on sunday i was thinking about somethings because i wanted to get up and bear my testimony. i didn't get up but i did realize some things. i started thinking about "A Brand New Year," the dvd that was presented to the youth of the church on new years eve. that was an interesting evening for me seeing as i still had a boyfriend. well at the end, sister dalton challenged the youth to do three things along with their personal goals this year: read the book of mormon for at least 5 minutes a day, say your personal prayers, and to smile. i was really impressed that smiling was as important in our lives as reading and praying. i took a minute there to kind of commit myself to doing those things this year. well i didn't really give that goal another thought over the next couple of days, as we had family down and things were crazy for camille's wedding. well when i sat thinking of those promises i had absolutely no idea that 6 days later i would be on an airplane to LAX leaving my whole life behind.

two days after the broadcast, i had done a lot of soul searching and talking with my dad, and had decided that moving was an option. all of a sudden i decided that i should make good on my commitment to myself, sister dalton, and the lord. i started the book of mormon again on the 3rd of January, and i haven't missed a night since, but that's not the important part. i had no idea then that reading the book of mormon would be the easy part. If she hadn't included smiling in the three goals, i would have never even committed in the first place, but i had no clue that that would be the hardest one. i don't think i would be all frowning and sad here if i hadn't committed to smile on new years eve, but i do think that if i hadn't chosen to read the book of mormon every night i would be unhappy.

while here, yes it's been hard, but as i've said before, every time i get a little homesick or just am dying to sing and dance, some little thing happens that reminds me that we asked the lord where i should be at this point and this is what he said. that conviction almost always comes through the book of mormon and i usually end up with a tear in my eye or actually laughing out loud at how directly the scriptures apply to me today. i wonder did Nephi know when he stood up to his brothers that he wasn't only standing up for himself or his savior, but that he was standing up for me and so that i could understand a world of horror and hate that he didn't even know would exist? i really have found myself wondering if specific verses were written for me. i'm so grateful for each of the prophets and the decisions they made that allowed me to use my agency correctly, and i will always be in debt to joseph smith for the things he went through so that i could be directly blessed because he was in tune with the spirit. i'm so grateful and amazed that we have general young men and women's presidents who know us and stay close to the lord so they can feel and discover exactly what i will need for this year and to succeed in life. plus on top of all that goodness, we have many apostles and prophets of the lord who keep themselves worthy for me, and a president who holds all the keys to keep this church alive. But mostly today i am grateful for a father who honors his priesthood and listened and still listens to the lord to see how to handle some of the crazy things i did. he is my hero. i don't even want to imagine who or where i would be right now, without the priesthood on the earth today.

if any of you didn't get to see "A Brand New Year" it's here at the top of my blog! if you'll pause my music, and then go back twice on the video clips to the one titled "for the strength of the youth" it's the one part that really touched me. you should watch the whole thing again whether you've seen it or not. it's kind of high school musical-ish, but it's really uplifting and from our general authorities....i love you all. thanks for being a part of my life