so nat and west just left with the higgis. it was fun to see all of them and everything. it was a kinda hard goodbye for me. worse than at home, but still not too bad mostlyb ecause i know that i'll see natalie again in 2 weeks. anyways here some dorky pix cuz me and natalie tried like 200 times to get a decent picture of us and we couldn't do it, so we just resorted to being nerds. i look like a man cuz my hair is in a ponytail but whateves...

i wasn't going to post this story, but then i decided i better, because it will probably be the most fun to read of anything i have to say, so just so you guys don't get bored of reading all the junk i say, here's my twilight story...

so i mentioned that last saturday i went to a stake dance with the north hollywood stake and that dancing with some of the boys there made me think about my future a lot. well in all honestly it wasn't a few of the guys i danced with; it was mostly just one. so a little bit after we got to the dance, they did a girls only and then a boys only fast song. well the girls all just danced and had fun, but what boy is honestly just going to go dance especially if there is no girls on the floor. so it mostly just turned into these two boys have like a break dancing competition. well about two slow songs later, the more attractive of the two asked me to dance.

we talked like anyone talks during a dance. i mean how much can you actually fit into 2 1/2 minutes of loud music? he told me that he was 17 too but a senior in high school and that he was thinking about going to arizona for college to attend ASU. so i told him i'd just moved here and that i was ready to be done with high school and that even though i am a junior i am planning to go back to arizona after this summer to start college. that's about as much of our conversation as i remember because who honestly thinks about what they're saying when they have gorgeous brown eyes staring at them? i mean i was intentionally making him smile so that i could see his cute little dimples. He's mexican, and no not everyone here is mexican, but if you know me at all you probably could have assumed he wasn't white. anyways he has a goatee and isn't very tall, but is fairly skinny, but still atheletic looking enough to have been break dancing.

okay well as the night went on, it wasn't like i liked him or was really attracted to him, i mean it'd only been a single dance, but i was always very aware of where he was in the room. because it had been a fairly comfortable conversation, at least on my end, i let him become this ideal. I had been really upset about matt earlier that day, but dancing with this random kid who lived in north hollywood, who i would never see again, somehow gave me hope. not that i ever thought of any future i had with this michael kid or anything, it was just nice to meet someone who i got along well with ,who had the same standards as me. so he kind of became this standard in my head.

i knew that whatever possible skeletons he had in his closet would stay there because i'd never talk to him again, and that didn't bother me in the least. i knew that i needed to be able to look at someone and be attracted to someone, and that it was healthy for me especially to keep me over the whole matt deal. so i thought of him. monday morning i woke up and his face was the first thing i thought of. i was like okay i can make it through school today knowing that even if every boy at my whole school was a complete idiot, at least there was hope that there is normal people out there that share my standards. so i went off to seminary ready for another, happier, day.

after seminary was over, one of the girls in my class was like "elise, you know that michael kid?" i was like

"the one with the goatee? yea, he's really cute." jeni smiled and was like

"you really think so? well he was making me quiz him on our names" i was really puzzled and asked

"whose names? me and yours and katie's?" she nodded giving me the 'duh' look. "why?" i asked totally confused but not expecting anything. she gave me a look that implied that i should already know why

"he goes to our school" was all she said.

i think i almost fell over. here i had taken a kid i didn't know anything about and made him this person in my head that i could look at, and make people measure up to, and now he was actually going to be real. i racked my head trying to remember if i'd told him that i went to chatsworth high school. how did he know? Jen was like "he sits at the lunch table right next to the cafeteria every morning while we get breakfast. look to your left when you walk by and he'll be there" it all of a sudden made sense. i had walked right in front of him every morning, and guess what? my hair's blonde! that had to be the reason he'd asked me to dance the first slow song i was there. he knew who i was and either he thought it was funny that i didn't know that i saw him everyday, or he thought i knew! i can't tell the difference between most of the kids at my school because i always notice hair and eye color first and everyone's here is the same. (seriously, i thought that a boy in my homeroom and my english class were the same kid until one day i noticed they were wearing different clothes)

we walked to the school and i debated whether or not i should actually walk by his table or if i should go around a building to where we sit in the morning. i toughed it out, and right when we were about to walk by, he stood up and started walking toward us. as he passed me, we made eye contact and he raised his eyebrows at me. all i could think was "how could he make this more awkward" as i gave him this half, mostly angry, smile that proved to him that whether he thought i knew or not, i had had no idea that he went to our school. my brain was going crazy all morning, until i convinced myself that it was a big school and that i wouldn' t see him at all the rest of the day. the low and behold as i was walking to 3rd hour i passed him again. i gave him another toothless, awkward smile, as i wondered if anything i had made him out to be in my head could be true.

as i got into the car to go home i was relieved that i hadn't run into him anymore that day. i was thinking about how different high school could possibly become knowing that there was someone else there that had the same standards as me jeni and katie. and then i saw him again. he was standing off campus with a few other boys waiting for a ride. how bizarre i thought as i openly stared at him, knowing that he wasn't looking into the car windows.

when i got home that night i decided that i had to do something so it was less awkward. i decided that either i would just start winking or making freak faces at him or something so that if anyone felt awkward it was him. and if circumstance permitted, i would say something to him. either ask him if he thought i knew he went to chatsworth or just explain to him that half smiles were getting way too awkward. i woke up a little bit scared the next morning but relieved that i had some sort of plan. i walked to school a little more confident. then as i passes his breakfast table, i looked over my left shoulder, and quickly scanned then bench before walking to our usual breakfast spot wondering where he could possibly be. i walked to third hour that day a little nervous but ready to make my plan happen, and yet again he wasn't there. i wondered if he had decided on my first instinct of a plan. "avoid at all costs"

i got in the car that day almost dissappointed. i realized that it was probably better if i didn't see or talk to him every day, but i still couldn't help wondering if he was intentionally hiding from me. then there he was again. standing next to the same tree he was next to the day before. that almost confirmed that he had intentionally avoided me. but why? there's not any way he thought of me any of the same ways that i thought of him after the dance. we weren't in love or anything, it was just an awkward situation that was only getting more awkward by the minute.

i saw him a couple more times during the week and found out that he has my history teacher right before i do, so when i'm getting ready to go in, he's coming out, with some chick who wore blue fishnets one day. i never saw him any of the three places i saw him the first day again though. until friday. friday morning as i walked in front of the table that he had breakfast at, i couldn't help but being curious and looking over my left shoulder. and there he was. he raised his brows at me againg, but this time i gave him a full-fledged toothy grin. i'm sick of the awkwardness. we'll see what happens. my bet is that i never talk to him or anything and taht a friendly glance will be it. and i hope that true kind of . but i reallywould like to know what he was thinking last saturday? did he know? or did he think i wouldn't find out until he walked in front of me monday morning? or am i totally stressing over something that he doesn't find awkward at all?? i'm betting on the third but who knows.