light in the dark!

holy heavens first off, the church is true of course. the young women's general broadcast was amazing!!! it seriously like changed my life. it made me really excited for conference and i hardly ever get excited for 8 hours of listening. well okay i'm going to share with all you (whomever you are that is reading this) an experience i had this week.

okay first off, this sunday i fasted that i would have a better week and that i would feel like i was happier at school and wanted to be there and fit in better. by tuesday evening i was like floored by the mood fasting can put you in. it had been a couple of really good days and i finally felt like i was getting to know people in my classes and wasn't afraid to talk or whatever. well the tuesday night i watched the broadcast and decided to take notes so that i would really pay attention. of course i got a little emotional at a couple parts but there was one thing that hit me relaly hard. president monson has said some funny things and kinda been joking around a little bit while talking about the differences in todays world and the world that he grew up in. well of course after explaining what a blessing all the technology we have is he pointed out that it can easily be a downfall and that there are so many immoral things that we can get into. well then he posed a question--does this give us permission to be immoral because it's all around us ?? then he did something that just hit me so hard. he was totally blunt and straightforward and answered that question for us "NO. the answer is no. absolutely not." and then after that profound statement he continued to explain that it wasn't no because of dangers or because it can ruin your life but the answer is "no because it's wrong." then wednesday came.

the morning was a little rough because a gay kid in my PE class was talking to me about seminary and he was kind of teasing me about going to church every morning and stuff (he's a friend though, so it wasn't mean teasing just awkward) then i actually was happy to have the opportunity to talk to one of my friends miranda and tell her that i was a mormon and her response was "Ooh....that's why you don't have sex." i almost laughed out loud but i was like yea and we had a good talk and it was cool. well the rest of the morning was really good and i actually found myself saying a prayer of gratitude at lunch for a very obvious answer to my fast. well then 4th period came. first off you need to know a little background for that class. there's 5 girls of at least 30 kids and my teacher likes me. i sit right in front by him and i have the highest grade in that class (i think) it's still a 'B' though which is proving that that class really doesn't apply themselves. well he (my teacher) asked me if i wanted to buy tickets to a breakfast to support his volleyball team. i thought that maybe i would, but then he told me it was on a sunday. i tried to be nice and only said that i didn't leave the house much on sundays. he responded by saying that i could bring grama and grampa and that it would be supporting the school, so i (teasingly, yet stupidly) was like "mr. sheriff, that's against the ten commandments!" i know that sounds really awkward, but it wasn't that bad cuz we were joking around. so we talked a little bit about keeping the sabbath day holy and it was good. well then he and one of the boys in my class started talking about a girl on the volleyball team who's like a really good basketball player

the teacher got out a poster to show Alex who this girl was, and there were two of the boys volleyball players in the picture. and me, being who i am, made a comment that one of them was hot. well of course that made me teacher interested. he asked me which one so i told him. his next comment was "you should hook up with him." i was definately not expecting that to be the reply. i gave mr. sheriff a face and was like i don't think so. he was like "no seriously, go up to him and tell him that he's hot and ask him if he wants to hook up." i was totally appalled! i couldn't believe that people actually did that let alone that my teacher was encouraging me to do so. i explained that i don't just "hook up" with people. mr. sheriff was like "I see. you want a nice real boyfriend that you can bring home to grama and grampa." and i couldn't even just let him live with that. all i could think of was "no. the answer is no. absolutely not." i looked at the teacher and was like "i don't even want that." he and alex were taken by surprise that i didn't want a boyfriend. so mr. sheriff assumed what he assumed was the only thing left to assume. "oh, so your a lesbian." statement, not a question! and alex was like "that's exactly waht i was thinkin" there was no room for me to explain. that was the end of the conversation. of course i don't think that either of them really believe that i'm a lesbian, but even if i was that would be totally socially exceptable. a few minutes later the bell rang. i was absolutely furious!! i walked to my next class on the brink of tears. and it wasn't that they had assumed i was a lesbian. it was that neither of them could even fathom that there was still good (or a desire for good) in this world still. if i wasn't doing what was wrong and sleeping around with the volleyball team, i must not be straight. i was totally just dumbstruck. i felt so awful. did they honestly not know?? was there no even prospect for good in their minds??? english was kind of a blur and danny commented "wow elise, you're kinda staring into space. you don't look like you're really there." and i wasn't. my mind was going 1000 mph and i was trying to find some solution in my head. then i walked to 6th hour still stunned even to the point that i couldn't even flirt with michael (poor kid doesn't even know me:) then 6th hour gave me a little hope. i don't even remember what kim said but she said something that put a smile back on my face and i remembered that i may only be one in a few here, but that there are 13 million saints across the world that have the same standards as me.

anyways...that's my first real experience with really different beliefs. i mean i've talked about the church a lot of times since i've been here, but usually i try to avoid it and end the conversation at the beginning. not because i'm ashamed, but because it's complicated. but pres. monsons words have already had a toll on me. i hope that this conference will have much more of that spiritual feeding in it. i'm sure it will, and i'm eager to hear what else our prophets have to say about how to live in this world. well ....i guess thats all for now....until we all unite again...9:00 saturday morning!!! <3