I’m a 22 year old female. I am 5’7” and normally around 115
pounds. Weight comes off easily for me and I find myself struggling to gain
weight more often then I struggle with losing it.
I'm not that hot blond, whose shorts are evidently too sort,
walking into a YSA activity showing off toned golden legs, who makes all their heads turn. I struggle when that girl walks in the room, not because I couldn't be her, but because I COULD be her.
It would be easy.
I have
it in my budget to tan once a week and I would LOVE the extra Vitamin D and
warmth that comes from UV rays. I have a free gym at my apartment complex and I
have enough time to spend an hour 3 days a week to tighten up. And as much as I
love fast food, it would be easy to cut out of my diet (and my budget).
I.
Could. Be. That. Girl.
I want to share a couple of experiences that have happened
this week that made me take a step back and reevaluate my view of modesty.
Sunday at Stake Conference I was approach by a young man. It
was evident that he was not a member of the church. He asked me my name and
looked surprised when I said Elise. He then told me I looked just like this
girl he knows in Texas. I laughed and explained that I have a familiar face and
get approached with a doppelganger comment about once a month. His response was
“she’s really pretty, you’re really pretty.” And gave me enough information to
facebook stalk her.
My roommate and I laughed about the experience as we drove
home. Later I took the opportunity to find pictures on facebook of this girl
that I apparently looked a lot alike. I was sad and offended at what I found.
Every picture of this girl was borderline pornographic. She was a party animal
that spent most of her time in bars wearing very little clothing. My heart sunk
and my eyes teared as I contemplated what the young man that approached me was
thinking. I don’t even want to know what his view had been of me because of the
lack of respect the doppelganger had for her body.
Now, story number two. I was informed this week that the boy
I just broke-up with shared a single bed with a girl this weekend at an
overnight event. Not a sin I know and not necessarily something that I would
never do, but also not safe. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that when
that exact opportunity had presented itself just weeks prior while he was
dating me, it wasn’t even considered and we cuddled late before going to sleep
in separate rooms. It has been made
evident in my recent relationships early on where my line is. The sad thing is,
I was so jealous of this girl when I found out. But quickly that jealously
turned to sadness as I thought of how sad it was that she was not shown,
neither did she demand, the same respect this boy had shown me.
Monday night as I laid awake in bed, not able to sleep
because of the battle I was having in my mind about modesty, another memory was
brought to my mind.
About 2 months ago, I sat in front of my bishop and had the
last of a series of interviews to be able to receive my own endowment. There
were a couple of things my bishop said to me that I would not have remembered
if I hadn’t had these experiences this weekend. At one point he was talking
about dating and men and he made a comment about the line in dating and not
letting a boy disrespect my wishes or body. I looked up at him and smirked. He
quickly added, “I can tell you don’t have that problem Elise, do you?” He was
aware and I was aware that I am the type of person that boys respect. As I stood up to leave that appointment my
bishop gave me a hug and said, “You’re a good girl, Elise. I can tell.”
Remembering this experience with my sweet bishop reminded me
who I am and who I want to be. I am not that girl who turns heads when she
walks in the room. I am not that girl that dresses immodestly to make herself
look more desirable. I am not the girl in my office that flirts with the boss
to get ahead. I am not the girl that shares a bed.
I am Elise Jones. I am flaming white. I know what I want. I
am bold. I am respected. I am a good girl.
