Callings and Poetry

it's currently 7:22 and i just got done with a training meeting for the Relief Society teachers in my ward. it really strengthened my testimony to see each of these girls and talk to them a little about teaching. i wanted to write a poem about my feelings lately so i decided taht instead of writing it on paper, i would just start it on here and see how it goes. if anyone even reads blogs anymore, i'm sorry that all you ever get from me is corny sentimental poetry. k it's 7:24 and i'm beginning

a fact seems like fiction, and i can't quite see

just how you will make this great person from me.

I watch each small change that you make in others

how you turn life's painting from gray to colors

but because I'm me, i can see each new flaw

i can't comprehend someday being a god.

you ask me to do things and i try my best

just hoping and praying, you'll fill in the rest

but then i get down when i see others soar

i just want to see all that you have in store

i know i'm not perfect; i don't give my all

i sometimes procrastinate, and often stall

like how in the world can i make a diff'rence

i trust that i can 'cause you've made that inf'rence

i'll give it my best because that's all i've got

i'll turn life to thee--every act, every thought

i'll try to become who you'll trust with your work

i'm learning slowly how to stand and not shirk

i'll be who you call when you're needing someone

so someday you'll say, "my daughter, well done"

...7:36. wow 12 mins....i just went through and edited it so that it is in one of those rhythm things. each line has 11 syllables except for the last one is only 10 on purpose. it's in almost a 3 rhythm it goes "duh DUH duh duh DUH duh duh DUH duh duh DUH" i know no one really cares about beats in poetry anymore, but i do. it makes it flow and more meaningful. anyways that is my thoughts on serving in the church <3

COLLEGE!

so i figure i'd tell my blog about my crazy life. i am the worst college kid ever. i have absolutely no social life or free time. but i am really involved so at least that's good. i currently work 5 days a week am taking only 13 credits but that includes choir and company which have a lot of extra stuff. I just got called as one of the 2 relief society presidents in our ward cuz we have 80-90 girls. I am also the institute choir pianist which i am not nearly talented enough to be playing for. so let me just give you an example of how a day goes for me. so here is today

4AM wake up/get ready

5-10AM work

10-11AM change and eat lunch

11-3PM Class

3-4 (right now) little break

4-5 help set up for relief society meeting (enrichment)

5-6 relief society meeting

6-7 presidency meeting to finish up some assignments

7-8 Choir secret practice for our test tomorrow

8-9 shower get ready for bed

9 sleep to get up at 4 the next day

right now almost everyday every single hour is planned of my day. even on weekends! it's crazy but somehow heavenly father is making it possible for it to happen and i haven't had anything super important overlap. one of my good friends the other day told me that he thinks that being this busy now is just preparing us to be busy in the future. he told me to imagine have 4 little kids to worry about and working and being the relief society pres. it was a really good perspective for me to think about. the Lord helps us grow little by little. i know that right now in my life is teaching me things that i will use for my family and my callings in the future.

i feel like because of how busy i am i am happy though. being productive is a very good thing and i feel productive every day! haha well thats the exciting college life of elise. haha looks like i'll be going on a mission because there is absolutely no time for boys right now :)

oatmeal cookies

i decided today that i am like an oatmeal raisin cookie. i was thinking about these particular cookies at work today and thought about how when they are the only sweet around, most people would take one and enjoy it. they're farely tastey. but if there was a plethora of treats to choose from they are chosen last. they look good, and they taste good, but there is something about knowing that they are better for you that makes people shy away from them.

i think as a person i'm definately this way. when there are a ton of other people around, i'll nonchalantly hide in the back ground, no big deal. but part of this i think is that people know i'm healthy for them. if that makes sense. i don't mean this in a conceded way at all. just that sometimes i'm a little much to handle and delve into life too deeply so people would rather choose the chocolate chip cookie or the snicker doodle before me, but in 10 minutes you'll want another cookie, or you'll want something to eat. an oatmeal raisin cookie has substance. the oatmeal will sustain you.

now that you all think i'm a weirdo, i'm done now. :)

2-2-11

so i've been pretty stressed the last few days about tons of stuff. So last night my mind was going crazy thinking about grama jones and school and whatever spencer's deal is. yeah and i knew that if i went in to my job interview this morning with all of it on my mind that i would do really poorly. so i tried to remember what i used to do to clear my head. i usually play the piano but it was like 11 so there was no where i could go. then i remembered that i used to write poems to clean my head out. it took me like 10 mins and i just rattled it off without even thinking about it. for some reason making my problems rhyme makes them make sense in my head. haha so here's what i wrote just for fun:

it seems there's times in one's life

when time just floats on by

without much effort on my part

my days each hit the sky

its in those times when i think to me

is this really real?

but on those days, i don't learn much

and there's not much to feel

then slowly, in a flash of light

the table starts to turn

i find it's on the harder side

when i really learn

i see myself just trudging by

not knowing what to do

and then i free myself from pride

and finally turn to you

why is it that i feel alone

when i need you most

but you can be the window

when the world's door's closed

i'll turn to you and try my best

to listen to your will

i'll cleanse myself and find some time

to sit and just be still

what you want is sometimes hard

for me to understand

i'll listen to the still small voice

and not my own demand

it will be rough, i know it will

but i can make it through

by opening a broken heart

and listening to you

i'm grateful for the things in life

that make it worth the pain

because through you i can be clean

and free from any stain

you made me who i am today

and who i will become

it helps to know of who i am

and where we all came from

thanks for the love you give to me

unconditionally

but mostly thanks for simply

for listening to me

COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT CUT MY PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i figured i should update you on my college life. i am LOVING EAC. there are so many peoplehere that i love and so much that i enjoy here. its so nice.

so this weekend we had company weekend. i danced for 24 hours in 5 days. it was awesome. i really am liking all of the people involved in the music program here. i'm not a music major, but i love the people and the music anyways....

this is me and jolene and jeremy. jolene is now one of my roommates. last semester we met her in our ward and has become one of my best friends ever. it's fun and i love her to death. we go to almost all the sporting events and paint our faces quite a lot.

kristi lived with us last semester and then got married in december. it was super fun for us to meet shannon and kristi and to get to know them so well. it was so nice to get to go to her reception in mesa over christmas break

this is jolene and me and jessica. i'm always with these two. jess is my best friend in the whole world and i have been so grateful to be able to share a room with her and get to know her.

this is all the girls i hung out with my first semester. we took lots of nice pics together

there are fires almost every weekend. it is crazy and super fun. this is at the homecoming bonfire

underneath the stage at fall sing with some of the girls from company

halloween!!!!! nat got to come up and hang out with me

anyways that is kind of a rough some up of my life. its super fun and i love it.

passion

okay so i was just going through some old emails that i wrote while i was in california. and i found this. i read through it and decided i wanted it somewhere where i would know where it was instead of hidden in my emails. this was the email i wrote mr. tenney after i watched the st. david choir perform at their competition. it is my feelings on passion, and it is super weird

so i had already decided that i would probably cry through the whole thing, but i've really had something against crying lately. i think it's because i could have so much to cry about right now and i decided that i was going to try to be happy and positive and not cry, so i don't cry. i mean i still cry just not about things of non-spiritual origin. well so i didn't want to cry because i knew that if i started crying i wouldn't be able to stop because i would have started feeling sorry for myself and would have cried because i wanted to be on stage and not because the show was bringing me to tears. honestly though singing and dancing are the only things i miss about st. david. i don't miss my friends or even my family because my friends weren't the right kind of friends, and my family i will be with forever. so i didn't want to cry just because i missed it. but something else happened.

(this is weird i'm warning you) i started shaking. at first i was like oh it's cold in here or i have the chills because of the show, but it was more than just the chills from good music. it was like my mind wouldn't let me think about how badly i wanted to be a part of the music, so my body started telling my mind what to do. i don't know if that makes sense, but it didn't really make sense to me either. because subconciously i was telling myself that i didn't need to be on that stage, but my body was telling me that i was supposed to be there. my head knew that music wasn't what i "wanted" but my whole self other than the logical part was telling me that the audience was the wrong place for me.

then you guys came back in and i was gonna get up and give hugs and tell people how impressed i had been, but i couldn't even get up because i knew if i said one word i was going to explode and just loose it. so then i started watching the next group and thats when i started crying. i didn't drop a single tear during your show but i bawled through the next 2. i just couldn't bare to think that those kids may never do anything real. they will always be doing the macarena. then poor natalie and rachael were so confused that i was crying.

well so then once i calmed down i started thinking about the hows and the whys and the what the craps. so this is my theory (it's weird again sorry)...

one year at girls camp we talked about morality and virtue and president merrill gave us a lesson on passion. he talked of course about physical intimacy being a passion, but then he talked to us about how being hungry was a passion and that you needed food to satisfy that passion. k so here are 2 definitions of passion:

-the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, especially something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior.

-violent anger

k i know this is weird but think about it. food, you have to eat. your body demands it of your mind. sex, uh yea you get it. violence usually someone's head doesn't tell them to hit someone, it's an external, uncontrollable force. then this brings me to another definition of passion. one that is a little more important than either of those:

-the sufferings of christ on the cross or his sufferings subsequent to the last supper.

i take that to mean the atonement. when christ's body bled from every pore because of the love he had for each individual that had ever or would ever walk the earth, his body overpowered his mind and acted for itself and that my friend was passion greater than i can even imagine

therefore, my new definition for passion is this....

-any thing or idea that demands that the body should overpower the mind.

k this is a stretch from music, but i've thought a lot about why we need a body and why we have power over satan because of our bodies. because i've thought about the fact that satan still thinks and acts and understands things and such, so why does it matter if we are physical when our physical body, when separated from out spirit, is just inanimate. do you get what i'm saying? like your spirit is what makes your body work, and satan has a spirit, so why does a body matter? but then all of this has made me realize that a body holds literal power. maybe without the spirit it doesn't, and i guess spirit and body together make soul, so the soul has power and satan doesn't have that? i don't really know. this whole deal has provoked A LOT of questions. not only ones about the purposes of life and the plan of salvation, but smaller questions like "do i really want to graduate this summer? or do i want to go back to st. david and just deal with high school for another year if it means i can have all of this in my life?" or "do i really want to waste all my life on nursing? but then would i want to go to school with people who dont have the same feelings toward music as me?" and a lot more. well i'm sure i could write an entire book about this because my head has been going crazy, but this e-mail is already enormously long, so i'll stop for now, but MAYBE i'll write a song about this.