poems

so i've been going through a bunch of my stuff getting ready to move, and i found some old poems i wrote while in california and then heidy kartchner gave me back one that she had that i wrote the last week of school so i figured i'd post them so i'd have them for later !

first is just one that i wrote about some thoughts i had at my first mutual activity while i lived in california. i didn't know anyone yet, and we were going ice skating. i had plenty to think about though and learned a lot from the ice. lol

Ode to an ice rink

Stepping onto the ice
I’ve never felt so alone
Not only new faces surround me
But things I can’t know til I’m grown

This ice has been battered
like me it’s been bruised
Its hopes have been shattered
By blades on my shoes
But its biggest mistakes
When rightly repaired
Are the ones I can’t feel with my skates

I see girls holding hands
Will each choose to support?
Or will one lose her balance
Help the other fall short
One girl does a jump
Neat tricks of all kinds
Because speed is required
Her fall is harder than mine

Stepping off of the ice
I can tell that I’ve grown
who thought from an ice rink
there was so much to be known

okay this one is one that i wrote at school one day in california. a boy at my high school had died the day before. i had never met him, but it caused a big stir at the school and got me to thinking.

The cycle of life creeps up to your path
in each turn you take on your journey
unconscious thoughts turn up each time
and give life it’s meaning and glory
birth marriage death—each a new page
but each brings new hope with new worry

the power of life, creation, and love
accompanies each son or daughter
whether struggling, secure, or down in the dumps
a new face makes your world brighter
but each child grows, the joy soon forgot
and life turns to a new chapter

then you see love the promise it brings
when life is so cruel and mundane
marriage pops up and you rest assured
‘cause life’s meaning shows up again
But what wil she do whenever she sees
That she someday will be without him

At last you meet death, it can’t be avoided
But a necessity for life
you learn a new love that pierces your soul
and gives your road a new bump called strife
but you put that behind you and discover that
you still have to continue your drive

then when hope’s disappeared, and your hearts only a hole
a miracle helps you go on.

and this last one is the most recent. it's probably the closest to my heart, so don't make fun of this one. lol. uhm i wrote it when i was convincing myself that EAC would be okay and that i didn't need time for me to go perform. yeah. anyways

Twelve years here and I’m done
I’m leaving for real now
I’ve made it through this messed up place
And now I’m wondering how

I’ve never been the perfect kid
Unless you’ve seen my grades
I learned here how to work real hard
But also to misbehave

There were times that I knew
People looked at me with admiration
I’ve seen that look in people’s eyes
That look of appreciation

But then came times when I knew
People saw through my sorry act
A look of questioning filled those eyes
And they’d turn their back

But life gave me a miracle!
I regained confidence
I was blessed with sunlight
After living in a trench

I spent a year flying high
And reminding me of me
I learned about what bondage is
And that I was finally free

But now I new turn takes the stage
And I don’t know what to do
Again I’ll get that awful look
Of disappointment from you

Everyday I’m told the same:
“do what will make YOU happy”
I wish that someone else just saw
That this choice has nothing to do with ME

Yes, it’s MY life but I know me
I know I’ll make the most
Because this virus gets passed along
I’m just the current host

Life’s not about what I choose
To make MY life the best
If anybody else could see
It’d be a weight off of my chest

What I do affects the world
And people who love me
So why did I choose to
Make it hard to be who I will be

I’ll step it up and take the challenge
I’m not known to back down
I’ll make my life what it could be
And not continue bound

12 years from now I’ll look down and see
what’s on this page
and realize through smiling eyes
that this was just a phase

life will goe on no matter what
and I know the part I’ll play
I’ll choose to be who I know I am
By what I choose today

Maybe this seems a selfish choice
But it’s not about money
Its about knowing all I can
When my father in heaven calls me

uhm i love poetry. it is one of the easiest ways for me to express myself. sometimes it's REALLY gay and corny, but for some reason, when life rhymes it makes more sense.

MAY!!!!!!!

so the end of this year was pretty crazy. i had to rest for a whole month to have to strength to write about it; that's how exhausted i was ;) well first was my theatre show. here's a couple of cute girls before the show started opening night! it was super fun and i learned A TON! i really liked working with the kids and cried in young womens one day when i talked about using it for a project. i made some really lasting memories. next came the end of the year choir performance. things were crazy and there were some rough feelings being tossed around. because of that i kinda feel like i got jipped. i didn't even cry afterwards even though i knew it would be my last show with the group. but that night wasn't really about me. and i'm glad it wasn't cuz uh there were some issues. anyways....it was still fun and i still danced as hard as i could. i actually stepped on a hair straightener right before so i had to put on my character shoes with a huge blister on my foot. it sucked, but i got through it. lol.

this picture is me and kylee brubaker and rachael larson. they're 2 of my bestest friends! then came senior trip. the theme parks were super fun (and exhausting)!!!! i love roller coasters so i did just about everything there was to do at 6 flags and knotts. my favorite part BY FAR was medieval times though. it really was incredible. between the acting and animal training and FOOD it was really my kind of show. super cool. definately wanna go back

this is me and jessica mayberry (she's living with me at EAC) and the red knight! our guy won, which made it even more exciting!

the whole 12 of us who went on senior trip outside of medieval times

uh and this one is self explainitory! :)

then came graduation. the ceremony was good. some really weird crap happened and our musical number kind of got uh messed up, but whatever.

me and brady and sam. i didn't walk with them, but we're friends

me speaking. with our HUGE class behind me. lol i was salutitorian and talked about perserverence. i got like $2250 cash scholarship plus the full 2 years at EAC ($3000 value)

i didn't do bad, but i wish i had applied for more and not been such a stink about college

me and my bestest friend kylee. she definately made this year fun for me. i'm gonna miss her when i leave.

and camille made my cap. i was stressin out cuz i decorated then went to weston's graduation and was freakin out about my speech and my hair and crap in between the graduations. cam asked me what i wanted and i said spongebob. she was like "that's it?" and i said yeah, so she went crazy and made him 3D and out of real sponges!!!!! i liked mine the best

the best thing about graduation however happened the weekend before senior trip. i had the opportunity to sing and dance for our prophet! the Temple Cultural Celebration was INCREDIBLE!!!!! i don't even know how to explain what kind of experience it was to be totally stressed and running around for 2 days rehearsing and then having the prophet there and the spirit of calm that made the performance happen. i witnessed miracles while preparing for the celebration and it was easily top 3 experiences of my whole life. it could even be number 1. idk.

this is just a bunch of kids from our stake 2 hours before show time. all the people in the back is the line to get in. everyone was in their seats about an hour before the prophet showed up. it was really an incredible experience.

the next day was the dedication and i bawled the whole time. we watched the noon session and even just in a stake center you could feel the prophets presence and the spirit of the temple. it really reaffirmed my testimony of temple and that they are the only place worth getting married in. the amount of effort and service that went in to our temple was incredible. everyone wanted to help and everyone was happy about it. it wasn't one of those service projects that you just help with cuz you know your supposed to. it was a service project where the heavens opened and the blessing were almost immediate. the temple closer has changed so many lives including mine.

that week before graduation i still didn't know what i was doing after high school or where i was going. being around people who have the same standards as me and feeling the support that was there made me really hope that i would have good friends where ever i ended up. well i had been fasting and praying about what to do and where to go and feeling the sacrifice that people gave to have a temple so close made me want to do the same. choosing to go to EAC wasnt really a sacrifice at all. more of a blessing, but i guess it hurt my pride a little. i knew that i NEEDED to be where i could feel that support from people with the same standards and where i could visit the temple often, even just for baptisms.

the church is true and heavenly father does answer prayers. i know i will be where he wants me next year and there won't be any more questions asked. he loves me and would never want me to be somewhere where i'd be unhappy.