Modesty

I’m a 22 year old female. I am 5’7” and normally around 115 pounds. Weight comes off easily for me and I find myself struggling to gain weight more often then I struggle with losing it.

I'm not that hot blond, whose shorts are evidently too sort, walking into a YSA activity showing off toned golden legs, who makes all their heads turn. I struggle when that girl walks in the room, not because I couldn't be her, but because I COULD be her. 

It would be easy. 

I have it in my budget to tan once a week and I would LOVE the extra Vitamin D and warmth that comes from UV rays. I have a free gym at my apartment complex and I have enough time to spend an hour 3 days a week to tighten up. And as much as I love fast food, it would be easy to cut out of my diet (and my budget).

I. Could. Be. That. Girl.

I want to share a couple of experiences that have happened this week that made me take a step back and reevaluate my view of modesty.

Sunday at Stake Conference I was approach by a young man. It was evident that he was not a member of the church. He asked me my name and looked surprised when I said Elise. He then told me I looked just like this girl he knows in Texas. I laughed and explained that I have a familiar face and get approached with a doppelganger comment about once a month. His response was “she’s really pretty, you’re really pretty.” And gave me enough information to facebook stalk her.

My roommate and I laughed about the experience as we drove home. Later I took the opportunity to find pictures on facebook of this girl that I apparently looked a lot alike. I was sad and offended at what I found. Every picture of this girl was borderline pornographic. She was a party animal that spent most of her time in bars wearing very little clothing. My heart sunk and my eyes teared as I contemplated what the young man that approached me was thinking. I don’t even want to know what his view had been of me because of the lack of respect the doppelganger had for her body.

Now, story number two. I was informed this week that the boy I just broke-up with shared a single bed with a girl this weekend at an overnight event. Not a sin I know and not necessarily something that I would never do, but also not safe. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that when that exact opportunity had presented itself just weeks prior while he was dating me, it wasn’t even considered and we cuddled late before going to sleep in separate rooms.  It has been made evident in my recent relationships early on where my line is. The sad thing is, I was so jealous of this girl when I found out. But quickly that jealously turned to sadness as I thought of how sad it was that she was not shown, neither did she demand, the same respect this boy had shown me.

Monday night as I laid awake in bed, not able to sleep because of the battle I was having in my mind about modesty, another memory was brought to my mind. 

About 2 months ago, I sat in front of my bishop and had the last of a series of interviews to be able to receive my own endowment. There were a couple of things my bishop said to me that I would not have remembered if I hadn’t had these experiences this weekend. At one point he was talking about dating and men and he made a comment about the line in dating and not letting a boy disrespect my wishes or body. I looked up at him and smirked. He quickly added, “I can tell you don’t have that problem Elise, do you?” He was aware and I was aware that I am the type of person that boys respect.  As I stood up to leave that appointment my bishop gave me a hug and said, “You’re a good girl, Elise. I can tell.”

Remembering this experience with my sweet bishop reminded me who I am and who I want to be. I am not that girl who turns heads when she walks in the room. I am not that girl that dresses immodestly to make herself look more desirable. I am not the girl in my office that flirts with the boss to get ahead. I am not the girl that shares a bed.

I am Elise Jones. I am flaming white. I know what I want. I am bold. I am respected. I am a good girl.

Let's Write A Poem

Do I feel the fire,
the motivation to try?
Or have I caught the current
that helps me float by?

I trust my 'instincts'
more like His voice
But trust will mean nothing
if I don't make the choice

What is this trial
that I'm going through
Is  it to get up,
to go and to do?

I'm doing what's right
I'm passing the test
but what is that worth
If it's not my best

what can i change?
how can i grow?
what can i do with
the things that i know?

If disciples of Christ
are rooted in discipline
I've got a long way to go
before i can be like Him

I need to make changes
and sacrifice all
i'm feeling the fever
I must answer that call

If this place i'm in
is where i must bloom
Then i want to dive in
and escape my own doom

Grounded Flight

I'm at work and have had a long boring day. I found myself facebooking and decided to do something at least a little more productive (still not work related though, my bad :)
So I decided to write a poem. I started trying with a different format than I usually go for. It didn't work out so well. So I gave it one stanza in my regular form and VOILA! the magic happened and a poem came out that was totally unrelated to the original poem I started.
I have been thinking about how I live my life by logic and my thoughts are pretty structured. I guess this concept has been weighing on my mind a little heavier than i thought! here it goes

Grounded Flight

What happens when your force it?

It just comes out all wrong.

So i'll keep my format

and write a lovely song

What is it about structure

that manages my soul

I live my life by logic

but that makes my life dull

I tried to break the rules once

I tried to just be "free"

but that "freedom" just restrained me

and made it hard to see

I love a real good challenge

I love to try new things

as long as there is binding

to keep me from my wings

It sounds bad that way, i know;

to restrain a natural bird

but how does one write a novel

without learning a single word

With time and patience i'll soar

it has to be that way

'cause rules and regulation

keep the monster at bay

a chance for perfect flight

keeps me on the ground

because when life's played by the rules

true joy can be found

Sierra Vista!

Okay i need to be better about Posting about boys because obviously that last post got weird real fast. Anyways. I have lived with Vanessa and Nolan and Cashtyn for about 4 months now and have really loved it. Work was hard at first but I like it way better now that i'm used to it. I have to make some better goals because i'm getting really comfortable with this life, and Vanessa isn't going to be very happy if I never leave.
Because I am on Facebook so much, I feel like I have nothing to post on here because all my pictures and stories end up on facebook. I have no idea how long it will be before I post again cuz i don't post anything very often.

;)

Today I was taking notes in a meeting and found a poem that I wrote a couple months ago (on 12-12-11) . as you know i like to post them on here so they're safe and wont get lost. i'm pretty sure i wrote this because i was mad that i knew i was supposed to break up with my boyfriend but didn't really want to. kind of a strange one, but here it is :)

Born

Born to be a friend

Born to stand alone

I'll be a beacon of myself

and invite others home

Born to teach and lead

Born to learn and grow

I'll find myself a shred of time

and take the time to follow

Born to use my words

Born to find a voice

I need to be the me I am

and make the correct choice

Born to shine my light

Born to freely show

Was who I am predestined?

or made by where I go?

Born to let you down

Born to let you go

Start doing this--I know I can

I'll let my true heart show

told you it was weird...but i must have been thinking a lot about my calling and about going on a mission and about callings that I know I have in life and how it wasn't possible to keep dating that kid and keep going where i needed to go to be who i'm supposed to be. anyways.....

Christmas

dad worked super hard to have the yard all ready for the grandkids. It was fun for me Christmas evening to play Princesses with mal, syd, and bryn where the playgroud was the castle and the dog was the dragon. all Dad's work paid off because the girls loved it!

Monday evening Rachelle and Scott's family came up to Thatcher to go to dinner with Chad and Ash so i got to watch the girls and got them all riled up chasing them and teaching them to be baby tigers. it was so fun. we played games late and i fell asleep next to Tenley and just ended up calling in sick on tuesday. It was fun to see people in a little bit of a smaller setting so we could visit

In other news it's been so fun to be the jonesy living the closest to Chad and Ashley and their precious little baby Presley. I love going over there and visiting with them and watching the baby. she is so stinking cute and usually very happy. i'm looking foward to watching her more as Ashley has to start back at work a couple days a week soon.

Other than that i spend a lot of time at the home depot. I do stickers and some counting and other inventory related stuff. I peel a ton of stickers. this is just about an hour of stickers. some days i touch over 300 stickers. my hands are always black from the ink when i get home. I like it though. i've been there for almost a year and am working up with paid time off and am due for a raise. they really have been super good to me and I really like the people. 5am still stinks but i won't have to do that for much longer.

this is Edwin Darwin the Conqueror. ED for short. me and my roommate jolene bought him today. there was a random guy in the Bashas parking lot that was selling turtles for $10 so we bought one. it'll be an adventure that's for sure. he has already been down to the river twice and been skateboarding and met the neighbors and visited superstop and we haven't even had him for 24 hours.

All is well here in Thatcher. If everything goes according to plan this semester I will graduate with my Associates (just in generals) in May and then start my mission papers. I will turn 21 in August and plan on leaving shortly after. we'll see what happens though.

I've been super blessed here with a house close to the college with affordable rent, a good job, a car that gets me to my job, a good ward, and roommates and friends that take care of me. Mostly I am blessed to have the gospel in my life and to be in such a great place where there are a lot of people who are trying to do what's right. I am also blessed to live so close to a temple where i can go often and do some work for the dead there. life is good :) hope 2012 is just as good as 2011 was!

Callings and Poetry

it's currently 7:22 and i just got done with a training meeting for the Relief Society teachers in my ward. it really strengthened my testimony to see each of these girls and talk to them a little about teaching. i wanted to write a poem about my feelings lately so i decided taht instead of writing it on paper, i would just start it on here and see how it goes. if anyone even reads blogs anymore, i'm sorry that all you ever get from me is corny sentimental poetry. k it's 7:24 and i'm beginning

a fact seems like fiction, and i can't quite see

just how you will make this great person from me.

I watch each small change that you make in others

how you turn life's painting from gray to colors

but because I'm me, i can see each new flaw

i can't comprehend someday being a god.

you ask me to do things and i try my best

just hoping and praying, you'll fill in the rest

but then i get down when i see others soar

i just want to see all that you have in store

i know i'm not perfect; i don't give my all

i sometimes procrastinate, and often stall

like how in the world can i make a diff'rence

i trust that i can 'cause you've made that inf'rence

i'll give it my best because that's all i've got

i'll turn life to thee--every act, every thought

i'll try to become who you'll trust with your work

i'm learning slowly how to stand and not shirk

i'll be who you call when you're needing someone

so someday you'll say, "my daughter, well done"

...7:36. wow 12 mins....i just went through and edited it so that it is in one of those rhythm things. each line has 11 syllables except for the last one is only 10 on purpose. it's in almost a 3 rhythm it goes "duh DUH duh duh DUH duh duh DUH duh duh DUH" i know no one really cares about beats in poetry anymore, but i do. it makes it flow and more meaningful. anyways that is my thoughts on serving in the church <3