Elise Jones

Christmas

2012-01-05T19:24:00.000-08:00

dad worked super hard to have the yard all ready for the grandkids. It was fun for me Christmas evening to play Princesses with mal, syd, and bryn where the playgroud was the castle and the dog was the dragon. all Dad's work paid off because the girls loved it!

Monday evening Rachelle and Scott's family came up to Thatcher to go to dinner with Chad and Ash so i got to watch the girls and got them all riled up chasing them and teaching them to be baby tigers. it was so fun. we played games late and i fell asleep next to Tenley and just ended up calling in sick on tuesday. It was fun to see people in a little bit of a smaller setting so we could visit

In other news it's been so fun to be the jonesy living the closest to Chad and Ashley and their precious little baby Presley. I love going over there and visiting with them and watching the baby. she is so stinking cute and usually very happy. i'm looking foward to watching her more as Ashley has to start back at work a couple days a week soon.

Other than that i spend a lot of time at the home depot. I do stickers and some counting and other inventory related stuff. I peel a ton of stickers. this is just about an hour of stickers. some days i touch over 300 stickers. my hands are always black from the ink when i get home. I like it though. i've been there for almost a year and am working up with paid time off and am due for a raise. they really have been super good to me and I really like the people. 5am still stinks but i won't have to do that for much longer.

this is Edwin Darwin the Conqueror. ED for short. me and my roommate jolene bought him today. there was a random guy in the Bashas parking lot that was selling turtles for $10 so we bought one. it'll be an adventure that's for sure. he has already been down to the river twice and been skateboarding and met the neighbors and visited superstop and we haven't even had him for 24 hours.

All is well here in Thatcher. If everything goes according to plan this semester I will graduate with my Associates (just in generals) in May and then start my mission papers. I will turn 21 in August and plan on leaving shortly after. we'll see what happens though.

I've been super blessed here with a house close to the college with affordable rent, a good job, a car that gets me to my job, a good ward, and roommates and friends that take care of me. Mostly I am blessed to have the gospel in my life and to be in such a great place where there are a lot of people who are trying to do what's right. I am also blessed to live so close to a temple where i can go often and do some work for the dead there. life is good :) hope 2012 is just as good as 2011 was!

Callings and Poetry

2011-11-03T19:22:00.001-07:00

it's currently 7:22 and i just got done with a training meeting for the Relief Society teachers in my ward. it really strengthened my testimony to see each of these girls and talk to them a little about teaching. i wanted to write a poem about my feelings lately so i decided taht instead of writing it on paper, i would just start it on here and see how it goes. if anyone even reads blogs anymore, i'm sorry that all you ever get from me is corny sentimental poetry. k it's 7:24 and i'm beginning

a fact seems like fiction, and i can't quite see

just how you will make this great person from me.

I watch each small change that you make in others

how you turn life's painting from gray to colors

but because I'm me, i can see each new flaw

i can't comprehend someday being a god.

you ask me to do things and i try my best

just hoping and praying, you'll fill in the rest

but then i get down when i see others soar

i just want to see all that you have in store

i know i'm not perfect; i don't give my all

i sometimes procrastinate, and often stall

like how in the world can i make a diff'rence

i trust that i can 'cause you've made that inf'rence

i'll give it my best because that's all i've got

i'll turn life to thee--every act, every thought

i'll try to become who you'll trust with your work

i'm learning slowly how to stand and not shirk

i'll be who you call when you're needing someone

so someday you'll say, "my daughter, well done"

...7:36. wow 12 mins....i just went through and edited it so that it is in one of those rhythm things. each line has 11 syllables except for the last one is only 10 on purpose. it's in almost a 3 rhythm it goes "duh DUH duh duh DUH duh duh DUH duh duh DUH" i know no one really cares about beats in poetry anymore, but i do. it makes it flow and more meaningful. anyways that is my thoughts on serving in the church <3

COLLEGE!

2011-09-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

so i figure i'd tell my blog about my crazy life. i am the worst college kid ever. i have absolutely no social life or free time. but i am really involved so at least that's good. i currently work 5 days a week am taking only 13 credits but that includes choir and company which have a lot of extra stuff. I just got called as one of the 2 relief society presidents in our ward cuz we have 80-90 girls. I am also the institute choir pianist which i am not nearly talented enough to be playing for. so let me just give you an example of how a day goes for me. so here is today

4AM wake up/get ready

5-10AM work

10-11AM change and eat lunch

11-3PM Class

3-4 (right now) little break

4-5 help set up for relief society meeting (enrichment)

5-6 relief society meeting

6-7 presidency meeting to finish up some assignments

7-8 Choir secret practice for our test tomorrow

8-9 shower get ready for bed

9 sleep to get up at 4 the next day

right now almost everyday every single hour is planned of my day. even on weekends! it's crazy but somehow heavenly father is making it possible for it to happen and i haven't had anything super important overlap. one of my good friends the other day told me that he thinks that being this busy now is just preparing us to be busy in the future. he told me to imagine have 4 little kids to worry about and working and being the relief society pres. it was a really good perspective for me to think about. the Lord helps us grow little by little. i know that right now in my life is teaching me things that i will use for my family and my callings in the future.

i feel like because of how busy i am i am happy though. being productive is a very good thing and i feel productive every day! haha well thats the exciting college life of elise. haha looks like i'll be going on a mission because there is absolutely no time for boys right now :)

oatmeal cookies

2011-08-30T17:16:00.000-07:00

i decided today that i am like an oatmeal raisin cookie. i was thinking about these particular cookies at work today and thought about how when they are the only sweet around, most people would take one and enjoy it. they're farely tastey. but if there was a plethora of treats to choose from they are chosen last. they look good, and they taste good, but there is something about knowing that they are better for you that makes people shy away from them.

i think as a person i'm definately this way. when there are a ton of other people around, i'll nonchalantly hide in the back ground, no big deal. but part of this i think is that people know i'm healthy for them. if that makes sense. i don't mean this in a conceded way at all. just that sometimes i'm a little much to handle and delve into life too deeply so people would rather choose the chocolate chip cookie or the snicker doodle before me, but in 10 minutes you'll want another cookie, or you'll want something to eat. an oatmeal raisin cookie has substance. the oatmeal will sustain you.

now that you all think i'm a weirdo, i'm done now. :)

2-2-11

2011-02-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

so i've been pretty stressed the last few days about tons of stuff. So last night my mind was going crazy thinking about grama jones and school and whatever spencer's deal is. yeah and i knew that if i went in to my job interview this morning with all of it on my mind that i would do really poorly. so i tried to remember what i used to do to clear my head. i usually play the piano but it was like 11 so there was no where i could go. then i remembered that i used to write poems to clean my head out. it took me like 10 mins and i just rattled it off without even thinking about it. for some reason making my problems rhyme makes them make sense in my head. haha so here's what i wrote just for fun:

it seems there's times in one's life

when time just floats on by

without much effort on my part

my days each hit the sky

its in those times when i think to me

is this really real?

but on those days, i don't learn much

and there's not much to feel

then slowly, in a flash of light

the table starts to turn

i find it's on the harder side

when i really learn

i see myself just trudging by

not knowing what to do

and then i free myself from pride

and finally turn to you

why is it that i feel alone

when i need you most

but you can be the window

when the world's door's closed

i'll turn to you and try my best

to listen to your will

i'll cleanse myself and find some time

to sit and just be still

what you want is sometimes hard

for me to understand

i'll listen to the still small voice

and not my own demand

it will be rough, i know it will

but i can make it through

by opening a broken heart

and listening to you

i'm grateful for the things in life

that make it worth the pain

because through you i can be clean

and free from any stain

you made me who i am today

and who i will become

it helps to know of who i am

and where we all came from

thanks for the love you give to me

unconditionally

but mostly thanks for simply

for listening to me

COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-19T14:27:00.000-08:00

IT CUT MY PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i figured i should update you on my college life. i am LOVING EAC. there are so many peoplehere that i love and so much that i enjoy here. its so nice.

so this weekend we had company weekend. i danced for 24 hours in 5 days. it was awesome. i really am liking all of the people involved in the music program here. i'm not a music major, but i love the people and the music anyways....

this is me and jolene and jeremy. jolene is now one of my roommates. last semester we met her in our ward and has become one of my best friends ever. it's fun and i love her to death. we go to almost all the sporting events and paint our faces quite a lot.

kristi lived with us last semester and then got married in december. it was super fun for us to meet shannon and kristi and to get to know them so well. it was so nice to get to go to her reception in mesa over christmas break

this is jolene and me and jessica. i'm always with these two. jess is my best friend in the whole world and i have been so grateful to be able to share a room with her and get to know her.

this is all the girls i hung out with my first semester. we took lots of nice pics together

there are fires almost every weekend. it is crazy and super fun. this is at the homecoming bonfire

underneath the stage at fall sing with some of the girls from company

halloween!!!!! nat got to come up and hang out with me

anyways that is kind of a rough some up of my life. its super fun and i love it.

passion

2011-01-04T14:34:00.000-08:00

okay so i was just going through some old emails that i wrote while i was in california. and i found this. i read through it and decided i wanted it somewhere where i would know where it was instead of hidden in my emails. this was the email i wrote mr. tenney after i watched the st. david choir perform at their competition. it is my feelings on passion, and it is super weird

so i had already decided that i would probably cry through the whole thing, but i've really had something against crying lately. i think it's because i could have so much to cry about right now and i decided that i was going to try to be happy and positive and not cry, so i don't cry. i mean i still cry just not about things of non-spiritual origin. well so i didn't want to cry because i knew that if i started crying i wouldn't be able to stop because i would have started feeling sorry for myself and would have cried because i wanted to be on stage and not because the show was bringing me to tears. honestly though singing and dancing are the only things i miss about st. david. i don't miss my friends or even my family because my friends weren't the right kind of friends, and my family i will be with forever. so i didn't want to cry just because i missed it. but something else happened.

(this is weird i'm warning you) i started shaking. at first i was like oh it's cold in here or i have the chills because of the show, but it was more than just the chills from good music. it was like my mind wouldn't let me think about how badly i wanted to be a part of the music, so my body started telling my mind what to do. i don't know if that makes sense, but it didn't really make sense to me either. because subconciously i was telling myself that i didn't need to be on that stage, but my body was telling me that i was supposed to be there. my head knew that music wasn't what i "wanted" but my whole self other than the logical part was telling me that the audience was the wrong place for me.

then you guys came back in and i was gonna get up and give hugs and tell people how impressed i had been, but i couldn't even get up because i knew if i said one word i was going to explode and just loose it. so then i started watching the next group and thats when i started crying. i didn't drop a single tear during your show but i bawled through the next 2. i just couldn't bare to think that those kids may never do anything real. they will always be doing the macarena. then poor natalie and rachael were so confused that i was crying.

well so then once i calmed down i started thinking about the hows and the whys and the what the craps. so this is my theory (it's weird again sorry)...

one year at girls camp we talked about morality and virtue and president merrill gave us a lesson on passion. he talked of course about physical intimacy being a passion, but then he talked to us about how being hungry was a passion and that you needed food to satisfy that passion. k so here are 2 definitions of passion:

-the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, especially something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior.

-violent anger

k i know this is weird but think about it. food, you have to eat. your body demands it of your mind. sex, uh yea you get it. violence usually someone's head doesn't tell them to hit someone, it's an external, uncontrollable force. then this brings me to another definition of passion. one that is a little more important than either of those:

-the sufferings of christ on the cross or his sufferings subsequent to the last supper.

i take that to mean the atonement. when christ's body bled from every pore because of the love he had for each individual that had ever or would ever walk the earth, his body overpowered his mind and acted for itself and that my friend was passion greater than i can even imagine

therefore, my new definition for passion is this....

-any thing or idea that demands that the body should overpower the mind.

k this is a stretch from music, but i've thought a lot about why we need a body and why we have power over satan because of our bodies. because i've thought about the fact that satan still thinks and acts and understands things and such, so why does it matter if we are physical when our physical body, when separated from out spirit, is just inanimate. do you get what i'm saying? like your spirit is what makes your body work, and satan has a spirit, so why does a body matter? but then all of this has made me realize that a body holds literal power. maybe without the spirit it doesn't, and i guess spirit and body together make soul, so the soul has power and satan doesn't have that? i don't really know. this whole deal has provoked A LOT of questions. not only ones about the purposes of life and the plan of salvation, but smaller questions like "do i really want to graduate this summer? or do i want to go back to st. david and just deal with high school for another year if it means i can have all of this in my life?" or "do i really want to waste all my life on nursing? but then would i want to go to school with people who dont have the same feelings toward music as me?" and a lot more. well i'm sure i could write an entire book about this because my head has been going crazy, but this e-mail is already enormously long, so i'll stop for now, but MAYBE i'll write a song about this.

2010-10-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

so uhm. for some reason today has been very thoughtful. i have a couple minutes before i have to go to institute so i figured i'd write down some of the stuff i've been thinking about. so i got asked today what i wanted out of life. i was like I want a family. i was then ask "no i mean like professionally" and i was like "well i'm going in to elementary education so i'll probably teach school and i'll love it, but i chose that because it will help me to be able to teach my future children." that was followed with "So all you want is your family?" and i was like " well i want a good family. i want to be a good enough parent that my kids will know how to make good choices even when i'm not around." i was then asked if that was what i wanted because my mom passed away. i was puzzled that that was the response. i said "no. it's because that is what life is about."

i think it's interesting that you can want something your whole life and then get to where you actually can study that and realize that's not really what you wanted afterall. i think one of the biggest things i've learned from being at EAC and from all the wonderful people here is that life is about preparing the earth for the second coming, not about seeing how much you personally can achieve. i feel like i've changed so much in the last couple months just because priorities are being realized. maybe it's just part of growing up and that everyone at 18 or 19 discovers that life isn't about what they thought it was. that it is about other people and not you. idk. it's been an interesting day......

poems

2010-07-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

so i've been going through a bunch of my stuff getting ready to move, and i found some old poems i wrote while in california and then heidy kartchner gave me back one that she had that i wrote the last week of school so i figured i'd post them so i'd have them for later !

first is just one that i wrote about some thoughts i had at my first mutual activity while i lived in california. i didn't know anyone yet, and we were going ice skating. i had plenty to think about though and learned a lot from the ice. lol

Ode to an ice rink

Stepping onto the ice
I’ve never felt so alone
Not only new faces surround me
But things I can’t know til I’m grown

This ice has been battered
like me it’s been bruised
Its hopes have been shattered
By blades on my shoes
But its biggest mistakes
When rightly repaired
Are the ones I can’t feel with my skates

I see girls holding hands
Will each choose to support?
Or will one lose her balance
Help the other fall short
One girl does a jump
Neat tricks of all kinds
Because speed is required
Her fall is harder than mine

Stepping off of the ice
I can tell that I’ve grown
who thought from an ice rink
there was so much to be known

okay this one is one that i wrote at school one day in california. a boy at my high school had died the day before. i had never met him, but it caused a big stir at the school and got me to thinking.

The cycle of life creeps up to your path
in each turn you take on your journey
unconscious thoughts turn up each time
and give life it’s meaning and glory
birth marriage death—each a new page
but each brings new hope with new worry

the power of life, creation, and love
accompanies each son or daughter
whether struggling, secure, or down in the dumps
a new face makes your world brighter
but each child grows, the joy soon forgot
and life turns to a new chapter

then you see love the promise it brings
when life is so cruel and mundane
marriage pops up and you rest assured
‘cause life’s meaning shows up again
But what wil she do whenever she sees
That she someday will be without him

At last you meet death, it can’t be avoided
But a necessity for life
you learn a new love that pierces your soul
and gives your road a new bump called strife
but you put that behind you and discover that
you still have to continue your drive

then when hope’s disappeared, and your hearts only a hole
a miracle helps you go on.

and this last one is the most recent. it's probably the closest to my heart, so don't make fun of this one. lol. uhm i wrote it when i was convincing myself that EAC would be okay and that i didn't need time for me to go perform. yeah. anyways

Twelve years here and I’m done
I’m leaving for real now
I’ve made it through this messed up place
And now I’m wondering how

I’ve never been the perfect kid
Unless you’ve seen my grades
I learned here how to work real hard
But also to misbehave

There were times that I knew
People looked at me with admiration
I’ve seen that look in people’s eyes
That look of appreciation

But then came times when I knew
People saw through my sorry act
A look of questioning filled those eyes
And they’d turn their back

But life gave me a miracle!
I regained confidence
I was blessed with sunlight
After living in a trench

I spent a year flying high
And reminding me of me
I learned about what bondage is
And that I was finally free

But now I new turn takes the stage
And I don’t know what to do
Again I’ll get that awful look
Of disappointment from you

Everyday I’m told the same:
“do what will make YOU happy”
I wish that someone else just saw
That this choice has nothing to do with ME

Yes, it’s MY life but I know me
I know I’ll make the most
Because this virus gets passed along
I’m just the current host

Life’s not about what I choose
To make MY life the best
If anybody else could see
It’d be a weight off of my chest

What I do affects the world
And people who love me
So why did I choose to
Make it hard to be who I will be

I’ll step it up and take the challenge
I’m not known to back down
I’ll make my life what it could be
And not continue bound

12 years from now I’ll look down and see
what’s on this page
and realize through smiling eyes
that this was just a phase

life will goe on no matter what
and I know the part I’ll play
I’ll choose to be who I know I am
By what I choose today

Maybe this seems a selfish choice
But it’s not about money
Its about knowing all I can
When my father in heaven calls me

uhm i love poetry. it is one of the easiest ways for me to express myself. sometimes it's REALLY gay and corny, but for some reason, when life rhymes it makes more sense.

MAY!!!!!!!

2010-07-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

so the end of this year was pretty crazy. i had to rest for a whole month to have to strength to write about it; that's how exhausted i was ;) well first was my theatre show. here's a couple of cute girls before the show started opening night! it was super fun and i learned A TON! i really liked working with the kids and cried in young womens one day when i talked about using it for a project. i made some really lasting memories. next came the end of the year choir performance. things were crazy and there were some rough feelings being tossed around. because of that i kinda feel like i got jipped. i didn't even cry afterwards even though i knew it would be my last show with the group. but that night wasn't really about me. and i'm glad it wasn't cuz uh there were some issues. anyways....it was still fun and i still danced as hard as i could. i actually stepped on a hair straightener right before so i had to put on my character shoes with a huge blister on my foot. it sucked, but i got through it. lol.

this picture is me and kylee brubaker and rachael larson. they're 2 of my bestest friends! then came senior trip. the theme parks were super fun (and exhausting)!!!! i love roller coasters so i did just about everything there was to do at 6 flags and knotts. my favorite part BY FAR was medieval times though. it really was incredible. between the acting and animal training and FOOD it was really my kind of show. super cool. definately wanna go back

this is me and jessica mayberry (she's living with me at EAC) and the red knight! our guy won, which made it even more exciting!

the whole 12 of us who went on senior trip outside of medieval times

uh and this one is self explainitory! :)

then came graduation. the ceremony was good. some really weird crap happened and our musical number kind of got uh messed up, but whatever.

me and brady and sam. i didn't walk with them, but we're friends

me speaking. with our HUGE class behind me. lol i was salutitorian and talked about perserverence. i got like $2250 cash scholarship plus the full 2 years at EAC ($3000 value)

i didn't do bad, but i wish i had applied for more and not been such a stink about college

me and my bestest friend kylee. she definately made this year fun for me. i'm gonna miss her when i leave.

and camille made my cap. i was stressin out cuz i decorated then went to weston's graduation and was freakin out about my speech and my hair and crap in between the graduations. cam asked me what i wanted and i said spongebob. she was like "that's it?" and i said yeah, so she went crazy and made him 3D and out of real sponges!!!!! i liked mine the best

the best thing about graduation however happened the weekend before senior trip. i had the opportunity to sing and dance for our prophet! the Temple Cultural Celebration was INCREDIBLE!!!!! i don't even know how to explain what kind of experience it was to be totally stressed and running around for 2 days rehearsing and then having the prophet there and the spirit of calm that made the performance happen. i witnessed miracles while preparing for the celebration and it was easily top 3 experiences of my whole life. it could even be number 1. idk.

this is just a bunch of kids from our stake 2 hours before show time. all the people in the back is the line to get in. everyone was in their seats about an hour before the prophet showed up. it was really an incredible experience.

the next day was the dedication and i bawled the whole time. we watched the noon session and even just in a stake center you could feel the prophets presence and the spirit of the temple. it really reaffirmed my testimony of temple and that they are the only place worth getting married in. the amount of effort and service that went in to our temple was incredible. everyone wanted to help and everyone was happy about it. it wasn't one of those service projects that you just help with cuz you know your supposed to. it was a service project where the heavens opened and the blessing were almost immediate. the temple closer has changed so many lives including mine.

that week before graduation i still didn't know what i was doing after high school or where i was going. being around people who have the same standards as me and feeling the support that was there made me really hope that i would have good friends where ever i ended up. well i had been fasting and praying about what to do and where to go and feeling the sacrifice that people gave to have a temple so close made me want to do the same. choosing to go to EAC wasnt really a sacrifice at all. more of a blessing, but i guess it hurt my pride a little. i knew that i NEEDED to be where i could feel that support from people with the same standards and where i could visit the temple often, even just for baptisms.

the church is true and heavenly father does answer prayers. i know i will be where he wants me next year and there won't be any more questions asked. he loves me and would never want me to be somewhere where i'd be unhappy.

life

2010-05-03T16:00:00.001-07:00

well there is a lot to say since i haven't written anything for a long time...
i've been really busy lately. English 102 is kicking my butt and i'm pretty sure that i'm gonna get a 'C'. it's all good though as long as i pass. The musical that i was given the opportunity to direct was the last 2 weekends (along with vanessa's wedding). The show went really well and i was so incredibly grateful that i came back to school here. no where else in the world would have let me get to be a director and it was really neat to get that chance and learn a lot more. it helped nurish my love for theatre. i'll have to post some of the pictures we took at the after party where we burned the cow.

so i was thinking on sunday (sorry this is really random and has nothing to do with anything else i've said) but i was thinking...I'm still reaping the not so great rewards of having the wrong friends early in high school. i saw some people who had been some of my best friends and I saw how unhappy they were. It made my heart hurt so bad. i then began to think of all the people that i love who once meant so much to me and as i started to think about where there life was going and how they were going to turn out and it made me so sad. It still hurts to see people that i love making bad choices and i chose the wrong people to love. that sounds bad but if i had only cared about the right people i would be happy now in seeing them make good decisions. i thought i was helping these people when i was really only hurting myself. but i did build relationships and it sucks to see that there is nothing i can do to make my old friends want what is best. anyways....just one more consequence to making bad choices...don't do it...if this were the only consequence, it still wouldn't be worth it. <3

BLECK!

2010-02-15T21:00:00.000-08:00

BLECK! is the only possible word i can use to describe how i feel right now. it's been an incredibly interesting week. so wednesday it was confirmed that one of my friends is pregnant. i had really been rootin for her and she had been trying so hard to do what was right, but everyone makes mistakes and now she is going to have a baby. i decided that maybe she needed a visit and some comfort so i didn't really go to school thursday. i signed myself out and went and bought her flowers and talked with her for like 3 hours. it was a really good discussion and taught me a lot about when to listen to the spirit even if it means missing school :) then friday was state basketball playoffs. i ended up joining cheer like 3 weeks ago along with kylee brubaker and rachael larson, so state was supposed to be super duper fun...WRONG-O!!! i hadn't had the flu in 6 years and low and behold i find myself puking up spinach dip all night in a ghetto motel in prescott. that's the sickest i think i've ever been in my whole life. i had a fever and was shivering like CRAZY business. good thing leah was there for comfort and to force me to drink some gatorade, and jean was an angel and stayed with me in the van while the rest of the cheersters went shopping. anyways that was the most miserable 5 hour drive home of my life. good thing there was no school monday (today) to give me one more day to recuperate (i'm feeling MUCH better now) anyways we had rehearsals for 4 hours AGAIN this morning, and i had kind of been excited for them all week--i know typical elise choir geek to be excited for out of school rehearsals--but having not really eatin a meal in 3 days, rehearsals didn't go so well. i sat on the couch most of the time and attempted to dance the last run of the show. then for family home evening tonight my lovely parents decided to force me to fill out scholarships. i want to go to college, and i want to go for free, i just don't want to do any paperwork. i dont know where i want to go or what i want to be yet though, so scholarships are loads of fun making up ambitions and feeling crappy knowing that i really have no clue. i'm hoping to get full ride to more than one jr. college though and then at least i'll be able to pick and not just be stuck with EA. anyways this is mostly just a venting post because it's been such a crappy week. maybe this week will bring better fortune....at least i can't get the flu again right??? oh and i figure...while i'm at this, i may as well post some random pics that wouldn't get posted otherwise. ness bought me a bomb camera for christmas, so i've taken A TON of pictures sense then....heres some fun ones

me and my bestest friend patrick just chillin :D

natalie on christmas morning (i think?)

freaky toes (in the car on the way to cali)

this is my avatar's eyes ha ha ha

...

and the last one's just me getting ready for a stake dance or something...sorry i'm so weird...ha haha...jk i'm not really sorry at all....

more senior pics

2010-01-15T14:36:00.000-08:00

okay, so we've already established that i'm not photogenic, but here are some of the pictures that we took while in california. and i like them better, so yeah..............

Senior Pix

2009-12-15T19:14:00.000-08:00

ummm....here's the start of some senior pictures...me and dad are gonna go out to the railroad and take some more on saturday if he has time, so i'll post them later, but i really would like people's opinion on which i should put up in the Jones Hall of Fame for eternity.

i thought about going and getting some done professionally, but i'm really not photo genic AT ALL so it's nice to be able to take a bunch and delete most of them. so if you'd comment and tell me which you like, and if you don't like any of them, then don't comment cuz that's mean.... ;)

also we took some fun pictures of the kids at home.....

DREAMBOY!!!

2009-11-30T20:03:00.001-08:00

ha ha ha...i haven't posted anything in over 2 months...i'm a slacker! well just a little over a week ago was one of st. david's two formal dances: dreamboy. i decided to ask a boy from my ward that i haven't never really talked to in my life, but he seemed like a good idea. it turned out to be really good and i had a really fun time. i ended up being crowned the dreamboy princess, and that was neat. here are some picture of me and the boy who was crowned "dream boy" (not my date)

thanks to leah's sister-in-law brynna, i had one of the prettiest dresses at the dance, and really did feel like a princess even if i complained about my hair...

uh....

2009-09-10T19:31:00.001-07:00

here's some fun random pix that have been taken since i've been home.... i'll post more at a later date ;) (probably much later)

quantities II

2009-06-25T22:36:00.000-07:00

this one won't be as good as my first post of this sort, but that's okay i guess...

i've lived in the valley for 6 months

i missed only 1 day of school this semester (thanks cam and rob Knotts was super fun)

i got straight A's this semester (and E,E for those of you who know what E's are)

i went to the beach 0 times while here

i met HUNDREDS of new people

i was the only girl in my english class

i canned 6 bottles of jam (nectar berries from the back yard)

i bought 4 new pairs of jeans while here

i'm taking MORE than 100 lbs. of junk back to AZ

i've driven 1 time in the last 6 months

i've watched more hours of television this semester than i probably have in my whole life combined

i've used 1 toothbrush this whole time

i turn 18 in exactly 60 days

i met 2 people from holland (my 2nd cousin once removed, and his girlfriend)

i land in tucson in about 18 hours

i can think of 0 more things to write

but i really had a blast this last 6 months...so many people have touched my life, and i don't know how i could ever thank them enough. my heart will never be the same thanks to the west hills ward. and i learned SO much about the world and people and culture and everything at school. it just has been a very positive thing for me. but i'm now excited to press forward and apply everything i learn....

closing time

2009-06-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

well uh, i'm moving home in 5 days. crazy huh? but my new thought about that, is who says that that's home? i mean i'll be going home to my family, but still i've met so many amazing people here, that have become a part of my "home." never before in my life had i been even away from st. david without at least a sibling there as a crutch, and since i've been here, i've learned so much about people, and how amazing they really are.
so leaving is going to be rough. not that leaving st. david wasn't, but that all felt very temporary, and i felt like leaving there was finding a new me, and it was exciting and scary all at the same time. now it's like i've found the me that i'd set out for, but a peice of that will be left here. i hated who i was in st. david, and i love who i am here, so how can i take all the good and move it to the setting of the bad? i mean i am going to hang with a different crowd.
mostly i'm just venting my thoughts here, so sorry. but leaving here is definately worse than leave AZ was

JAM

2009-06-07T20:19:00.003-07:00

i got to learn the amazing art of jam making this week with nectar berries out of the back yard

the AMAZING power of prayer

2009-06-04T23:10:00.000-07:00

it'll never cease to amaze me how amazing and versitile prayer is. here's just a little testimony builder story...

today when i got to my 4th hour class my teacher decided that he was going to be nice and instead of giving us a test, he let us watch a movie. well i wasn't paying attention to the film at first because i was talking, but once everyone settled down i realized that the movie had to be rated R because it had a lot of profanity. well i didn't want to make a scene and i knew we weren't being tested on it or anything so i got my MP3 player out so that i could just not watch the movie. well when i looked at the screen i realized that i had forgotten to charge my MP3 player last night :O oh no! there was like a very minute green part of the battery left showing and i knew that meant taht it would last about 10 minutes and we had 30 minutes left of the class. well i said a little tiny prayer in my head about not wanting to have to watch the movie but that i didn't want to have to embarass myself and inturrupt the class just to inform everyone that i dont watch R movies.

i sat and stared at my back pack listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers because i was afraid to change the song because i thought it might use more battery up. well totally miraculously i looked at the clock and noticed that it was time to go. the bell rang, and as soon as i stepped out of the classroom my music went of. i took my MP3 player out of my pocket and it was dead.

heavenly father loves me, just the same as he loves anyone else. i'm so incredibly grateful to know the things i know and have the standards i have

2009-05-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

so i think that i'm finally making some headway on what i'm going to do with my life. this means though that i probably won't be going to AZ this weekend and of course that sucks, but i'll probably move back to zona in like 4 weeks. that's kind of scary, but i won' t really be 'living' in st. david, just staying there for a little while until i can move up to EA for the fall semester, but we'll see what works out. anyways that's a little update...much love xoxoxo

weekend!

2009-05-25T20:49:00.000-07:00

it's not my fault i get bored. i have a feeling now that i have camille's old digital camera there will be many more random videos!!!!

i went to the city walk at universal studios this weekend with some of the girls from my seminary class and it was super fun. here's some pic plus some random ones i took of myself. i know i get camera happy but whateves...

this is my cancer patient pic. it looks like i have no hair!!!!

i didn't wanna rotate these ones...and you can see my forhead wrinkles that my dad makes fun of

forhead wrinkles again. well sixhead wrinkles is what stinky ross would've called them

this was a barbie store taht i thought was awesome!!!

this is jen not wanting a picture. she's one of the greatest people i've met here

freak candy store called "it's sugar"

this is julie with katie behind her. katie is jen's little sister...julie is in our seminary class too

and this.... this is me with the halo guy...it's true love!

how white is WHITE?!?!?!?

2009-05-22T16:42:00.001-07:00

okay so here's some "i'm really white" experiences....
first of you have to understand that 85% of my school is latino, and then they bus people in from chinatown and koreatown and then there is a percentage of black, so white is definately the minority. it doesn't bother me, but it makes for some really funny experiences.
first off is the most embarrassing one. prom. well ya see, uhm, being raised in st. david sometimes it's assumed that you understand things that you don't. so in the car with my date and his mom on the way to prom they asked me what it was like living close to the border. well uhmmm...i told them some experiences, and while doing so i used a term that i didn't exactly know was bad. the day after prom, i went to rachelle and asked "uhm, rachelle...how derogatory of a term is'wet-back?'" yea you can laugh at me if you want, but i hadn't realized that that was even mean. well i knew it wasn't nice, but i didn't think it was offensive. well yea. so my prom date who actually happens to be mexican probably thought i was super rude. no wonder i don't talk to him;)

today while in history i was talking to this kid who is half chinese, half jamaican. well he asked me if i liked the movie that we were watching and i told him that i hadn't really actually watched much of it, and he JOKINGLY responded "it's because it's about a black guy huh?" well i was joking back and said "of course, because you know that i hate black people." just as i said that i looked up and a tall black kid sitting two desks in front of me that doesn't know me, turned around and raised his eye brows. i quickly explained that i was joking and my friend backed me up, thankfully.

there's more but i don't have time... it's so fun and interesting to live in a more diverse place. i'm definately learning a lot.!

mormon PROM pix

2009-05-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

okay so here's the pictures that heather took before we left for prom. this black and white one is my favorite. and i've decided that if no one else things michael is cute, that's okay because i still think he is. anyways here's pics. maybe there'll be more later if i ever get the guts to give michael my email address. i think i'm just intimidated by him because well i don't really know. i don't like "like" him, it's just awkward. anyways....

(red eye changed to black eye LOL)

the ULTIMATE weekend...

2009-05-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

okay so last weekend was really crazy!! but definately a blast all the way around...this may be another really long post. sorry guys i'm not a person of few words.... okay so first off friday night was mormon prom. that's right. i had the privledge of spending a solid 6 hours with the infamous michael. one problem though...none of the pictures that my grandpa took do michael total justice, so i'm gonna wait to post one, because he's supposed to email me some pictures later. i want one that he's smiling in, and that goofy goober wasn't smiling in any of the pictures that grandpa got.

uh. and for all you st. davidites...SD prom sucks! we got to go to a gorgeous museum where they fed us dinner (from a professional caterer) and then we got to look through the museum and they had fondue and a good DJ and karaoke and plus there were people walking around making amazing balloons for free (i got the little mermaid.) This is a caricature that we waited in line for like an hour for. if you think that looks like me then you can assume that that is what michael looks like, but if you don't think that looks like me, then you can assume that he looks nothing like that. anyways...

anyways...more about prom another time...

sunday the 3rd i went to the twilight convention "twi tour" with heather and zach and rachelle and scott. it was so CRA-CRA-CRAZY!!! first off, i've never ever seen any one so hot in person. check him out!

that's right! that does indeed say "To Elise <3 the good Dr"
you can tell by my dork face that i was totally twitterpated ;)

anyways...it turned out that alice wasn't their, so laurent was their instead. he was super nice and stuff but he looks kind of stoned in my pictured. that's okay though. it's still a picture with him.

i also got to take a picture with emmett, and mike newton with there but who the heck cares about mike. lol uhm well emmett's picture will come, and same with prom pics. anyways it was super fun to see heather zach rachelle scott and the girls. we don't see any of them often enough. it's was nice to have time with heather where their wasn't a million siblings running around and being able to talk to her one on one and get to know her better and understand her better.

SPRING!!!

2009-04-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

grama and grampa got their sprinklers redone recently, we've been very busy since early this spring replanting things that had been taken out for the sprinklers...here's a few pictures of some of the things that i've put in, plus a few of my favorite plants in the yard....

these orange african daisy's are my FAVORITE (when they're open of course)

this is an old wheel barrow that has more african daisy's in it.

i just LOVE them!!!

these are some petunias under the big front window that i planted a few weeks ago
i try to talk to them every couple days to encourage them to grow...

these are the pansies that i planted really early in the spring (Feb)
they're finally getting big and filling in

more pansies....

now this is the latest attraction...

the last few days we've all been working hard at putting in this little bridge and stream

here's the full veiw...

anyways...it's not finished, as you can tell from the empty stacked pots on the side, but in the next few days or weeks we'll get the rest of that in. i really love the spring. it's so happy. california's fertile ground sure beats boring old arizona's bland rocks ;)...

the los angeles temple

2009-04-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

okay so i really should be writing stuff down in my journal, but i really hate writing my journal, so i blog so all of you guys are pretty much reading what i would have written in my journal, so respect it! :D plus this is prolly gonna be a really long one, so if you don't really wanna read it then don't. cuz this is my life. i'm totally fine with anyone reading it of course, i just don't want to be missunderstood. ya know??

so we'll start with sunday of my week. sunday was a rough day for me....taking the sacrament has been really special for me lately, and sunday it especially touched me and then the patriarch spoke. he didn't talk about patriarchal blessings, but he talked about free agency. he gave some examples of people in his life. well to try to make this shorter, one of them was pretty much the only member in his family, and made some really good choices as a teenager ALONE and has now been a bishop and stake president. the other had a strong family and had been raised right, but made some not so smart decisions at 17 and ended getting married and then divorced and has never really been happy and can't seem to understand why his life is hard. well of course by the time he was done saying that i was crying. i just couldn't help but see the me that i was 4 months ago growing up and ending up shacked up and knocked up in ghetto little st. david. it would have been so easy to get there. well then we were getting ready to go on a temple trip and i needed another interveiw with bishop to get okayed to go, and he was out of town. well that was discouraging cuz i really felt like i just needed to be there and that i was ready to be there. well then after young womens i talked to the couselor in the bishopric and he said that bishop had put my name on the temple recommend list before he left. i was ecstatic! well then after church i ended up calling natalie and just crying to her and actually almost yelling at her about how dumb i was and how the things i had done had jeopardized so much....then came monday

well after school....as you know from the below post....we went to go try to get me into some english classes so that i could graduate at the end of summer. well then that went to pot and i was really upset. two days in a row i bawled my head off for making dumb decisions that made life so much more complicated. well i talked to Dad about options and i ended up just being mad and crying more to him and i honestly think i may have scared him a little bit because i was a mess. well after lots of talking and lots of prayers on elise's end..we decided that the decision can't be made yet, so i may be here another semester, but that mostly only means i'll be able to go to GIRLS' CAMP BABY!!!! in california (sorry all you amazing arizonites). then comes tuesday....

when i got home from school i had an email asking if i would meet with the bishop for a temple recommend interveiw. that scared me a little bit of course, but i knew it would be fine cuz i knew that i was temple worthy. well then i also had an email from the oh so marvelous Alison asking if i would help her with her math homework. yea, she's smarter than me, so that didn't work out so well. but it was fun. then we went to the interveiw. of course that went well. then i got home and decided that i had some big decisions to be making in the next couple days/weeks so i would go to the temple fasting. well then when i went to bed that night i read my scriptures, as always, and then knelt down to say my prayers and open my fast for the following day. well for some reason i couldn't get myself to dedicate my fast to my decisions. i just felt like i was stressed and that my fast would be hard and irreverent if doing that. and i couldn't get this impression to shake that i needed to fast for something else...something so much more important...and then for the first time in my life i opened a fast of gratitude. i knelt there bawling my head off (3rd night in a row) and thought of all the things i had to be thankful for in this beautiful life. and then after closing my prayer i decided that along with my fast all of my prayers on wednesday would be prayers of only thanksgiving.

well of course i was asked to give opening prayer in seminary, so i asked for one thing for all of us kids in seminary. so prayer has become a bigger part of my life in the last few years than i thought it ever could be. well at school here it's become something that i can rely on seeing as i don't know too many people and even those that i do know i don't want to become so close with them that their veiws will start effecting any of my decisions. so multiple times during the day i had a hard time trying to think of things to be grateful for instead of asking for help and strength throughout the day. then school ended and i got to have the humbling experience of doing baptisms for those on the other side of the veil.

Los Angeles Temple

sitting in the chapel dressed in a white jump suit i had a little bit of time to think, and then bishop asked me to say the opening prayer. well number one i only wanted to use thanks. second, i knew my emotions were still very frail from the previous few days. third i stood there and looked at the youth and saw all these amazing kids that i had grown to love so much in the last couple months especially and felt like the least worthy person in the room to be praying to open their temple experience. i mean not that i'm any less worthy than any of them right now, but i couldn't even imagine that any of these kids, who were surrounded by so much more bad, would ever even think of giving any heed to satan's painful plan. yea so it was a hard prayer for me (i did end up asking for one or two things again, but it was a pretty decent length prayer.) well then on top of all that the coordinater guy that talked to us right after that, talked about the spirits being granted the priviledge of being in the temple when their work was done, and i couldn't help but feel like there were a few special spirits there who were only there for me and were super proud of me and telling the other spirits there that one of their posterity was finally choosing the right so that she could do their work. the temple was just gorgeous.

then at about 7:30 or so my belly was finally satisfied with a large bowl of rice and orange chicken from panda express :)

then that evening i decided to dedicate my regular book of mormon reading to doing a little bit of studying on gratitude and any possible correlation that it could have with decision making and this is what i found :

well first off i read this verse, i'm only posting this for any of you who are current on my Michael escapades enjoyment....

Doctrine & Covenants 78

16 who hath appointed Michael your prince,

and established his feet and set him upon high.

anyways....the actual scriptures that helped (also in 78

17 verily verily i say unto you, ye are little children and ye have not as

yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own

hands and prepared for you;

18 and ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer for i will lead you along.

the kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours

19 and he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious;

and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more

and then i found...

Doctrine & Covenants 97

12.....that there may be a house built unto me for the salvation of Zion--

13 for a place of thanksgiving for all saints and a place of instruction....

i'll let you (whomever you are) interpret those as you would, but all i know is that for the 4th night in a row i was crying, but for some reason i knew that i was alright. no matter what i do or what happens schoolwise and whatnot i am going to be okay because i have the lord on my side and he'll support me.

anyways i knew that was going to be a long one, but the whole point of that is that i'm obviously here (in california rather than idaho) because the circumstances here are what i needed. yet again the church has proven to me to be the only truth and security this world is offering right now....<3

Stress Mess...

2009-04-20T20:58:00.001-07:00

holy talito burrito!!! my life is spaztic. i pretty much had an emotional/ mental breakdown today. it's okay though. i have a feeling that it will be the first of many. school isn't working out the way i want it to, and as it turns out, for me to be able to graduate early, i have to start now and go to school from 3:30-5:30 mon-thurs to get my senior english out of the way before fall. yea and that owuldn't be bad, but the school that i would be doing that at is in "mission hills" which is like a half hour or so from here. so it gives me an excuse to get a car, but between gas and insurance, that's like all my savings. it's a little bit of a predicament (sp?) . anyways... i'll explain more later, but i need to go shower and go to bed. oh as for prom shoes....this is last year....

2009-04-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

these are a couple of pictures that vicki (my aunt for any of you who don't know her) took at our easter brunch on saturday...

of course it was a little change from 40 little kids running around at the farm to 4 people (most of whom are no longer kids) searching for easter eggs. it was fun though. it's been fun while i'm here to get to be a part of all the traditions that this side of the family has that i've never been to before.

as for spring break...it's been fairly eventful.

monday i just slept in and didn't have too busy of a day (i don't think. i can't really remember that far back) then tuesday i had mutual and me and one of the girls in my ward, Alison, slept over at a girl in my stake's house, Keala. it was really fun, and it was relieving for me to get to be around normal people. then wednesday the shoe escapade started.

so i've been looking for a pair of shoes to wear to prom. well i'm not really a high heel short of person, and i have a feeling that this prom is gonna be a little nicer than the ones in the multipurpose room at st. david high school. in fact on the permission slip it says "formal shoes are to be worn. No flipflops" of course that's a major bummer. i think that kinda means i can't wear my converse like i did to last year's prom. yea if i had pictures of that here, i would have put them on cuz they're funny. so i've been looking for nice shoes. it didn't help that i had gone to bed at 6:30 that morning and wasn't really all the way there if you know what i mean. so me and aunt lynn looked for like 3 hours at shoes. all sorts of shoes. but seeing as big heels are in style right now especially for teens, that's all we could find. well that wouldn't have been a problem, but numero uno, i couldn't walk 10 feet in the mall in heels, let alone for 5 hours while wearing a dress that touches the floor. and numero dos, i'm paranoid and don't want to be taller than my date and seeing as i have a fad for big hair, shoes pretty much have to have no heel. poor michael wasn't exactly blessed with great stature, but that's okay cuz he's still cute, and it gives me a good reason to prevent my feet from hurting.

so finally i bought a pair of black heels from macy's that were satin instead of like leather or fake crap. but i wasn't in love with them, they had a 2 or 2 1/2 inch heel, and uh most importantly i paid $80 for them. i know i'm a psycho. so then i wasn't happy, but at least i had a secure pair of shoes that could be used if i didn't find anything else. then the next day me and grama and grampa went to a different mall and looked at shoes and accessories and easter dresses. well i found pretty much exactly what i wanted at claires and we found a dress that i actually have on right now that is really comfy, but shoes were still annoying. finally we went to JC Penny's and i looked at shoes and guess what?? i spent another $50 and bought 2 more pairs of shoes. well then that evening lindsay and vicki swung by on the way home from the hospital where vicki's mom is, (she just got her gall bladder taken out) and they invited me to spend the night in simi. well so i went with them and watched a million movies and went to the mall and spent more money on clothes and then i ended up staying another night and just came back with them yesterday morning for the easter brunch.

well i think i've decided that i'm going to return the $80 shoes and a $20 pair of heels i bought and keep the cheapest looking ones. they're flats, and are shiny black snake skin. no worries they're not as weird as they sound, but they aren't very fancy. i feel bad, but at leats they'll be comfortable and hopefully will keep me shorter than mr. michael. anyways... that was a lot of long pointless babble, but whateves....

light in the dark!

2009-04-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

holy heavens first off, the church is true of course. the young women's general broadcast was amazing!!! it seriously like changed my life. it made me really excited for conference and i hardly ever get excited for 8 hours of listening. well okay i'm going to share with all you (whomever you are that is reading this) an experience i had this week.

okay first off, this sunday i fasted that i would have a better week and that i would feel like i was happier at school and wanted to be there and fit in better. by tuesday evening i was like floored by the mood fasting can put you in. it had been a couple of really good days and i finally felt like i was getting to know people in my classes and wasn't afraid to talk or whatever. well the tuesday night i watched the broadcast and decided to take notes so that i would really pay attention. of course i got a little emotional at a couple parts but there was one thing that hit me relaly hard. president monson has said some funny things and kinda been joking around a little bit while talking about the differences in todays world and the world that he grew up in. well of course after explaining what a blessing all the technology we have is he pointed out that it can easily be a downfall and that there are so many immoral things that we can get into. well then he posed a question--does this give us permission to be immoral because it's all around us ?? then he did something that just hit me so hard. he was totally blunt and straightforward and answered that question for us "NO. the answer is no. absolutely not." and then after that profound statement he continued to explain that it wasn't no because of dangers or because it can ruin your life but the answer is "no because it's wrong." then wednesday came.

the morning was a little rough because a gay kid in my PE class was talking to me about seminary and he was kind of teasing me about going to church every morning and stuff (he's a friend though, so it wasn't mean teasing just awkward) then i actually was happy to have the opportunity to talk to one of my friends miranda and tell her that i was a mormon and her response was "Ooh....that's why you don't have sex." i almost laughed out loud but i was like yea and we had a good talk and it was cool. well the rest of the morning was really good and i actually found myself saying a prayer of gratitude at lunch for a very obvious answer to my fast. well then 4th period came. first off you need to know a little background for that class. there's 5 girls of at least 30 kids and my teacher likes me. i sit right in front by him and i have the highest grade in that class (i think) it's still a 'B' though which is proving that that class really doesn't apply themselves. well he (my teacher) asked me if i wanted to buy tickets to a breakfast to support his volleyball team. i thought that maybe i would, but then he told me it was on a sunday. i tried to be nice and only said that i didn't leave the house much on sundays. he responded by saying that i could bring grama and grampa and that it would be supporting the school, so i (teasingly, yet stupidly) was like "mr. sheriff, that's against the ten commandments!" i know that sounds really awkward, but it wasn't that bad cuz we were joking around. so we talked a little bit about keeping the sabbath day holy and it was good. well then he and one of the boys in my class started talking about a girl on the volleyball team who's like a really good basketball player

the teacher got out a poster to show Alex who this girl was, and there were two of the boys volleyball players in the picture. and me, being who i am, made a comment that one of them was hot. well of course that made me teacher interested. he asked me which one so i told him. his next comment was "you should hook up with him." i was definately not expecting that to be the reply. i gave mr. sheriff a face and was like i don't think so. he was like "no seriously, go up to him and tell him that he's hot and ask him if he wants to hook up." i was totally appalled! i couldn't believe that people actually did that let alone that my teacher was encouraging me to do so. i explained that i don't just "hook up" with people. mr. sheriff was like "I see. you want a nice real boyfriend that you can bring home to grama and grampa." and i couldn't even just let him live with that. all i could think of was "no. the answer is no. absolutely not." i looked at the teacher and was like "i don't even want that." he and alex were taken by surprise that i didn't want a boyfriend. so mr. sheriff assumed what he assumed was the only thing left to assume. "oh, so your a lesbian." statement, not a question! and alex was like "that's exactly waht i was thinkin" there was no room for me to explain. that was the end of the conversation. of course i don't think that either of them really believe that i'm a lesbian, but even if i was that would be totally socially exceptable. a few minutes later the bell rang. i was absolutely furious!! i walked to my next class on the brink of tears. and it wasn't that they had assumed i was a lesbian. it was that neither of them could even fathom that there was still good (or a desire for good) in this world still. if i wasn't doing what was wrong and sleeping around with the volleyball team, i must not be straight. i was totally just dumbstruck. i felt so awful. did they honestly not know?? was there no even prospect for good in their minds??? english was kind of a blur and danny commented "wow elise, you're kinda staring into space. you don't look like you're really there." and i wasn't. my mind was going 1000 mph and i was trying to find some solution in my head. then i walked to 6th hour still stunned even to the point that i couldn't even flirt with michael (poor kid doesn't even know me:) then 6th hour gave me a little hope. i don't even remember what kim said but she said something that put a smile back on my face and i remembered that i may only be one in a few here, but that there are 13 million saints across the world that have the same standards as me.

anyways...that's my first real experience with really different beliefs. i mean i've talked about the church a lot of times since i've been here, but usually i try to avoid it and end the conversation at the beginning. not because i'm ashamed, but because it's complicated. but pres. monsons words have already had a toll on me. i hope that this conference will have much more of that spiritual feeding in it. i'm sure it will, and i'm eager to hear what else our prophets have to say about how to live in this world. well ....i guess thats all for now....until we all unite again...9:00 saturday morning!!! <3

bah humbug!

2009-03-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

here's some dork pics of me because i'll never have a junior or senior picture :'( that really is sad. no i'll get senior picture taken someday. the last picture here is the only one i have from when the choir came up to compete and then the pictures are followed by a short update of my sad crazy life:)

so today has been pretty much crazy. i found out on friday that summer school at my high school would end on the 14 of august and then EAC's semester would start on the 24 of august (my 18th birthday!). so today i first called sister pollock. that's the most important thing because she's saved my life on so many levels. then i got online and applied for EAC and for scholarships. yea stressful. you're not supposed to be doing that as a junior!!! hopefully all will go well and that i'll be attending EA this fall whether i'm paying for the first semester or not. i never realized how scary it is to be making decisions like this. i mean i feel like i'm ready to be out of high school and moving on, but everything has just happened so fast that i haven't really had time to breathe and take it all in! anyways that all my news for now.

HEADSET!!!!

2009-03-23T15:30:00.000-07:00

dude this song is my new favorite. except for the whole mama papa deal, yea that's not really true, but you take waht you get. i know i'm getting like way too cliche with the whole cali thing, but i love avril, and so this is my new fav....

See I got a little bit of a problem
back where I come from,
feels like five people in my population
and no one ever leaves thereI’m gonna be the first one
I guess my papa always told me the way it wasn't
and my mama think she knows me, I know she doesn’t(ah ah ah)
[Chorus]
But I got my head set on California
I’ll fly away tomorrow, won’t even warn ya
and I’ll send a big postcard, just to piss you off
I got my head set on California
Here I come

See, I got what you would call an obsession
it feels like I think sanethe limits of a small town
frustrating my brain, might leave some roots there,
but my head’s on the next plane
’cause my daddy always told me the way it was,
and my mama think she knows me, I know she doesn’t(ah ah ah)
[Chorus]
Here I come
Papa always tells me the way it was,
and my mama think she knows me, I know she doesn’t(ah ah ah)

But I got my head set on New York City
I’ll fly away tomorrow, won’t even miss me
and I’ll get a big boyfriend, just to piss you off

[Chorus] Here I come, here I come

NEVER AGAIN!!!!

2009-03-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

in honor of some great feats i've accomplished in life in the last 11 1/2 weeks, here's some angry girl music. right now you're listening to not america's idol, but elise's idol (that sounds really sacreligious)--KELLY CLARKSON!!! the unltimate boy hater song, but if you really want to listen to my perfect song go the either i never loved you anyway by the corrs, candles by hey monday, or white horse by taylor swift (that song i think was written about me cuz it's like my life) . prolly the corrs one is best though cuz it's funny. anyway...go change the song and then come back and read this.....

sometimes i think that i'm way too open on here and that i should keep some of these thoughts to myself, but if i keep things to myself then i feel like i'm almost lying cuz not everyone knows what's going on.

so for a while here i was going to LDS counselling because of worries, that my weakness for males is like a disease or something. no not really, but just to talk some things out and make sure that i'd be strong enough to stay out of a bad situation especially because the worst kids you'd encounter in St. David are the best kids you'd encounter here. okay well in going to see this counselor, the goal we decided on was to feel no more emotional connection to matthew. no only physical attraction, but i had like this deal that i felt like i needed to take care of him because of some emotion states i've seen and caused him to have. well after about 5 sessions with this lady and a lot of thinking and analyzing and changing things, i really felt like i'd accomplished that. i didn't feel like i missed him or was thinking about him or that i wanted to even keep in touch at all. mostly i felt like if i went back to st. david i'd be able to stay away from him. well that was all good. finding out about him and daph and neither of them having the balls to tell me kinda pissed me off a little, but i got over it fairly quickly. then came competition

i was fairly upset that he couldn't be around me. i was like i'm over all this and you seem to be too, so why is there a problem? well then mr. tenney and I talked about forgiveness a little bit. we talked about how i needed to forgive him whether he wanted my forgiveness or not. and i thought a lot about that, but something about it just wasn't quite right about that statement but i couldn't figure it out. then i was doing my stupid trigonometry homework last night and i realized something. why did i have to forgive him??? he hadn't been the one who had compromised any of his standards. in fact i should have been thanking him for not pushing me any further than i put myself. the only reason i was hurting was because i knew i'd done a lot wrong. i had been the one who hurt him. i had hurt myself and him. he didn't hurt me, or himself. so why was i pretending that he was the one who was wrong? i needed to apologize to him and see if there was any way he could forgive me, for not only trying to make him be someone he isn't, but for lying to him. i all of a sudden felt awful that i had been so selfish and hurt him so badly. then since i no longer felt a romantic connection i was rude to him at competition because for the first time i felt like i could tell him my honest thoughts. anyways so today i txted him (sorry dad i know i'm not supposed to, but it was an important part of repentence for me) and asked him if he could ever forgive me. of course he was very reluctant to do so because i'm not so sure he's on the same page as me with all of this. but i tried to sincerely apologize and ask his forgiveness because my wrong choices not only hurt me, my family, and my future family, but i hurt HIM. i guess i knew that, but it still seemed so dumb of me to indulge in temporary pleasures and con him into thinking we would last, when i knew the whole time, that my children and his children would never be the same people. i knew i wouldn't marry him even though i agreed to. i mean i had hoped that somehow it would have worked, but we both would have been miserable in the long run.

that's my revelation for the week :) hopefully things continue to go well. i'm sure they will...

as for mormon prom...i wasn't dreaming....he gave me paperwork today. i'm starting to secretly wish i was dreaming though. it's so awkward. i'm afraid to say anything to him. i know that it seems weird for elise of all people to be afraid to talk, but i'm SUPER quiet at school because i just kind of feel like no one would be interested in what i have to say because it's not full of profanity or about sex. i'm a nerd. major nerd. also i think i am even more afraid to talk to michael than i am to anyone else, because i'm terrified that if i talk to him i'll end up just flirting with him. i know i'll only be here like 3 more months, but i'd hate to ruin that by getting involved with a boy. i hope we become great friends, but then that scares me because joseph was my best friend in the whole world and i ended up kissing him! yea. i frusterate myself. but then it scares me that i'll like separate myself from all romantic feelings toward boys and just become an old maid all because i had a high school boyfriend. i know i'm blowing this way out of proportion, but i think that's why i have a hard time even saying hi to him. poor guy is spending like a million dollars on a girl that won't even talk to him. we'll see. i'll try harder to be friendly, and only that. okay well i'm done.

but in the words of kelly clarkson "never again will i kiss you" i never will kiss another boy (or the same boy for that matter) until i graduate whether that means this september of next june i don't know, but until then......

ST. PADDY'S DAY

2009-03-17T15:24:00.000-07:00

wow it's been almost a whole week since i've posted anything. that seems like a really long time. uhm....i guess it's been a pretty exciting week but i'm exhausted still from all the going about. on thursday i randomly got asked to mormon prom by the edward guy (his name's actually michael). yea i know! holy random right? i don't even talk to him or anything, i just randomly think he's cute. my new theory is that he googled me and read about himself on this blog. boy would that be weird, but very possible. if you're really reading this michael you sure as heck better fess up!!! lol. there's like a 2% chance that he would even think to do that let alone actually find my blog. so i doubt it, but it's all still very random. don't get me wrong i'm excited, but random. heather and maybe vanessa and maybe chad will be here that weekend, so i'll have help getting beautified.

also this weekend was the choir competition was this weekend. of course i was blown away by the show, and it provoked a lot of thoughts and questions, but it was good. really good. natalie is still one of my favorite people on the planet of course. i slept in her and rachaels bed with them. it was fun. i was so excited to see everyone, but really rachael and nat and kylee were the only people i really talked to much. i talked to sheradee and vivien too and that was fun. matt is a spaz and hates me, but that's okay. he just avoided me the whole time and stuff, and it was weird because that made things between me and daph really awkward. so i dunno how that' s gonna work. but then matt txted me all emo-ly after they left and for the first time i said what i really wanted to say and didn't feel bad because he was making death threats. i was very proud and probably got a little carried away and was more rude than i should have been, but i just feel so free of him.

saturday afternoon grama's sister anne's granddaughter ashley and her boyfriend justin came down, and will be leaving tomorrow, so that's been fun. it's nice to get to know some of the family i otherwise would have known little about.

i'm taking the CAHSEE this week (california high school exit exam). it's like AIMS, but dumbed down for californians to be able to pass. lol. no it's not that bad. but i almost fell asleep today. tomorrow's math though and my goal is to not miss a problem, so we'll see how that goes. :D

i feel like my schedual is so full, but it's really not. it's so much less than i was doing in arizona but i don't have a car, so it feels like more because i'm more dependent on other people to make things happen. well that's all for now. i'll update you in a couple days hopefully.

blood

2009-03-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

so i did end up giving blood yesterday. grama said that we actually should take pictures because i've been so excited about it. so we did.

so i didn't quite meet the weight requirement, but my lisence says i'm 112 and so that's what i told them and they were fine. well apparently i didn't have enough water in me even i had intentionally taken a water bottle with me to school and stuff. well it took me 17 minutes to get a pint of blood out of me and it takes less than 10 minutes on average so i took extra long. the lady made me stay on the table an extra 5 minutes after that and then made sure that i drank lots of water after that. so i was 30 minutes late for mutual, but we were doing self defense anyways so i couldn't really participate. and i got out of running 7 laps today in PE. i walked 4 and the teacher said that that was okay.

as for the rest of life it's still the same as it has been. i've been really tired this week though. i had never been through a time change in my life, and so i think this whole daylight savings thing threw me off a little bit. it's okay though i'll get over being tired. maybe it will put me a really good mood for this weekend and seeing everyone from st. david. i'm so excited to see nat again and rachael and kylee and april and everyone else in the choir that i love to death. but that also means that i'll get to see mr. matthew and at first i was like this could be a little awkward because about 3 weeks ago he told me he was still in love with me and i was like well uh news flash, i'm no longer the elise that you're in love with. sorry??? i didnt tell him that of course, and i was
a little worried, but then i found out that a week after he begged me to keep writing him and then hung up on me when i told him no, he asked my best friend to be his girlfriend. then i don't think that daph knew that i knew and we talked on the phone and i was kind of offended that she didn't get the guts to tell me. that's okay though because i'd rather not hear about matt's love life

i love daphne to death and don't want this weirdness to come between us. i don't have feelings for him like that anymore, i mean it's just weird that the boy who had asked me to marry him is now making out with a girl who had just promised me that she was setting her eye on the temple with me. it just scares me, but they each make their own decisions as i have made my own. it just makes me sad. i wish every girl had the opportunity to perminently remove themselves from the situation and look on their choices from the outside and realize how idiotic high school boy friends are. anyways, if matt comes i'll probably stick with nat and rachael and kylee, if he doesn't come then i'll hang out with daphne and love her to death and not mention matt. anyways... i've gotta go dip more pretzels to bring them all friday!

quantities

2009-03-06T21:03:00.000-08:00

i've lived in california for....9 1/2 weeks!!!!!!

i've worn make-up to school 3 times

my semester is 1/4 over

thurday i went through over 100 stop lights (i counted)

i've used a whole box of kleenex in the last 3 days

i have 1 teacher i haven't heard swear (and she even takes the lord's name in vain)

i leave the house at 5:50 am

i listen to NO music

i have 1 jewish friend

i've been to 3 stake dances

i've met 1 really hot guy

i have 2 lockers (E-169 and PE-146)

i've had 2 dreams about my teeth falling out

i ate 1 chimichanga for dinner

this is post number 8

5 1/2 months until i turn 18

6 months until i graduate!

i had 2 tests today

i play 4 instruments (only 1 really)

i've actually written 5 songs (one in california)

2 more months until the kelseys come to visit

BUT ONLY ONE WEEK UNTIL CHOIR COMPETITION!!!!!

it's still a new year

2009-03-02T19:16:00.001-08:00

so i'm sitting here where it is 63 degrees outside and 70 degrees in here and i'm still shivering. i'm getting sick but that's not a surprise seeing as now that it's march it's becoming spring and getting warm so my body knows it. i get sick every time the season changes and i hate it, but i'm used to it. not too bad of a sinus headache yet, just itchy ears, eyes, and throat and a lot of sneezing.

one of my goals for a long time has been to donate blood, so 6 months ago when i turned 17 i was so excited, but i didn't meet the weight requirement. well i've been trying so hard to be able to do that and then we were at a doctors appt the other day and i went in and talked to the blood center where they always take blood and they told me that i absolutely HAVE TO weigh 110 pounds naked. well a year ago that would have been great, but thanks to matthew agreeing to take the discussions last march, i lost 6 pounds, and since i'm done growing and everything, i haven't put any of it back on. in fact when i got here i weighed in at 102 rather than 106, but i've been eating myself sick, and after dinner tonight i weighed 109. i know that it sounds bizarre that i'm trying so hard to gain weight, but i actually kind of get a thrill out of needles and i'm healthy, so giving blood won't be a problem and they need it, so i've been so upset that they won't take mine. a week from tomorrow there is a blood drive at the church and i decided i'm giving blood there no matter what! hopefully they don't have a scale there, cuz even if i don't weigh 110, my license says i weigh 112. which i did for a long time. so my grandma says she's gonna video me giving blood and i'll post it if it actually happens. also one of my goals in life is to donate a kidney, because it seems so selfish to me to have 2 when some people don't even have one. so someday, but dad is making me keep one at least until we're sure no one in the family will need one.

okay well that was a lot of pointless... i really got on here to share how inspired i know the general authorities are. i know that sounds weird, but on sunday i was thinking about somethings because i wanted to get up and bear my testimony. i didn't get up but i did realize some things. i started thinking about "A Brand New Year," the dvd that was presented to the youth of the church on new years eve. that was an interesting evening for me seeing as i still had a boyfriend. well at the end, sister dalton challenged the youth to do three things along with their personal goals this year: read the book of mormon for at least 5 minutes a day, say your personal prayers, and to smile. i was really impressed that smiling was as important in our lives as reading and praying. i took a minute there to kind of commit myself to doing those things this year. well i didn't really give that goal another thought over the next couple of days, as we had family down and things were crazy for camille's wedding. well when i sat thinking of those promises i had absolutely no idea that 6 days later i would be on an airplane to LAX leaving my whole life behind.

two days after the broadcast, i had done a lot of soul searching and talking with my dad, and had decided that moving was an option. all of a sudden i decided that i should make good on my commitment to myself, sister dalton, and the lord. i started the book of mormon again on the 3rd of January, and i haven't missed a night since, but that's not the important part. i had no idea then that reading the book of mormon would be the easy part. If she hadn't included smiling in the three goals, i would have never even committed in the first place, but i had no clue that that would be the hardest one. i don't think i would be all frowning and sad here if i hadn't committed to smile on new years eve, but i do think that if i hadn't chosen to read the book of mormon every night i would be unhappy.

while here, yes it's been hard, but as i've said before, every time i get a little homesick or just am dying to sing and dance, some little thing happens that reminds me that we asked the lord where i should be at this point and this is what he said. that conviction almost always comes through the book of mormon and i usually end up with a tear in my eye or actually laughing out loud at how directly the scriptures apply to me today. i wonder did Nephi know when he stood up to his brothers that he wasn't only standing up for himself or his savior, but that he was standing up for me and so that i could understand a world of horror and hate that he didn't even know would exist? i really have found myself wondering if specific verses were written for me. i'm so grateful for each of the prophets and the decisions they made that allowed me to use my agency correctly, and i will always be in debt to joseph smith for the things he went through so that i could be directly blessed because he was in tune with the spirit. i'm so grateful and amazed that we have general young men and women's presidents who know us and stay close to the lord so they can feel and discover exactly what i will need for this year and to succeed in life. plus on top of all that goodness, we have many apostles and prophets of the lord who keep themselves worthy for me, and a president who holds all the keys to keep this church alive. But mostly today i am grateful for a father who honors his priesthood and listened and still listens to the lord to see how to handle some of the crazy things i did. he is my hero. i don't even want to imagine who or where i would be right now, without the priesthood on the earth today.

if any of you didn't get to see "A Brand New Year" it's here at the top of my blog! if you'll pause my music, and then go back twice on the video clips to the one titled "for the strength of the youth" it's the one part that really touched me. you should watch the whole thing again whether you've seen it or not. it's kind of high school musical-ish, but it's really uplifting and from our general authorities....i love you all. thanks for being a part of my life

2009-02-28T13:46:00.000-08:00

so nat and west just left with the higgis. it was fun to see all of them and everything. it was a kinda hard goodbye for me. worse than at home, but still not too bad mostlyb ecause i know that i'll see natalie again in 2 weeks. anyways here some dorky pix cuz me and natalie tried like 200 times to get a decent picture of us and we couldn't do it, so we just resorted to being nerds. i look like a man cuz my hair is in a ponytail but whateves...

i wasn't going to post this story, but then i decided i better, because it will probably be the most fun to read of anything i have to say, so just so you guys don't get bored of reading all the junk i say, here's my twilight story...

so i mentioned that last saturday i went to a stake dance with the north hollywood stake and that dancing with some of the boys there made me think about my future a lot. well in all honestly it wasn't a few of the guys i danced with; it was mostly just one. so a little bit after we got to the dance, they did a girls only and then a boys only fast song. well the girls all just danced and had fun, but what boy is honestly just going to go dance especially if there is no girls on the floor. so it mostly just turned into these two boys have like a break dancing competition. well about two slow songs later, the more attractive of the two asked me to dance.

we talked like anyone talks during a dance. i mean how much can you actually fit into 2 1/2 minutes of loud music? he told me that he was 17 too but a senior in high school and that he was thinking about going to arizona for college to attend ASU. so i told him i'd just moved here and that i was ready to be done with high school and that even though i am a junior i am planning to go back to arizona after this summer to start college. that's about as much of our conversation as i remember because who honestly thinks about what they're saying when they have gorgeous brown eyes staring at them? i mean i was intentionally making him smile so that i could see his cute little dimples. He's mexican, and no not everyone here is mexican, but if you know me at all you probably could have assumed he wasn't white. anyways he has a goatee and isn't very tall, but is fairly skinny, but still atheletic looking enough to have been break dancing.

okay well as the night went on, it wasn't like i liked him or was really attracted to him, i mean it'd only been a single dance, but i was always very aware of where he was in the room. because it had been a fairly comfortable conversation, at least on my end, i let him become this ideal. I had been really upset about matt earlier that day, but dancing with this random kid who lived in north hollywood, who i would never see again, somehow gave me hope. not that i ever thought of any future i had with this michael kid or anything, it was just nice to meet someone who i got along well with ,who had the same standards as me. so he kind of became this standard in my head.

i knew that whatever possible skeletons he had in his closet would stay there because i'd never talk to him again, and that didn't bother me in the least. i knew that i needed to be able to look at someone and be attracted to someone, and that it was healthy for me especially to keep me over the whole matt deal. so i thought of him. monday morning i woke up and his face was the first thing i thought of. i was like okay i can make it through school today knowing that even if every boy at my whole school was a complete idiot, at least there was hope that there is normal people out there that share my standards. so i went off to seminary ready for another, happier, day.

after seminary was over, one of the girls in my class was like "elise, you know that michael kid?" i was like

"the one with the goatee? yea, he's really cute." jeni smiled and was like

"you really think so? well he was making me quiz him on our names" i was really puzzled and asked

"whose names? me and yours and katie's?" she nodded giving me the 'duh' look. "why?" i asked totally confused but not expecting anything. she gave me a look that implied that i should already know why

"he goes to our school" was all she said.

i think i almost fell over. here i had taken a kid i didn't know anything about and made him this person in my head that i could look at, and make people measure up to, and now he was actually going to be real. i racked my head trying to remember if i'd told him that i went to chatsworth high school. how did he know? Jen was like "he sits at the lunch table right next to the cafeteria every morning while we get breakfast. look to your left when you walk by and he'll be there" it all of a sudden made sense. i had walked right in front of him every morning, and guess what? my hair's blonde! that had to be the reason he'd asked me to dance the first slow song i was there. he knew who i was and either he thought it was funny that i didn't know that i saw him everyday, or he thought i knew! i can't tell the difference between most of the kids at my school because i always notice hair and eye color first and everyone's here is the same. (seriously, i thought that a boy in my homeroom and my english class were the same kid until one day i noticed they were wearing different clothes)

we walked to the school and i debated whether or not i should actually walk by his table or if i should go around a building to where we sit in the morning. i toughed it out, and right when we were about to walk by, he stood up and started walking toward us. as he passed me, we made eye contact and he raised his eyebrows at me. all i could think was "how could he make this more awkward" as i gave him this half, mostly angry, smile that proved to him that whether he thought i knew or not, i had had no idea that he went to our school. my brain was going crazy all morning, until i convinced myself that it was a big school and that i wouldn' t see him at all the rest of the day. the low and behold as i was walking to 3rd hour i passed him again. i gave him another toothless, awkward smile, as i wondered if anything i had made him out to be in my head could be true.

as i got into the car to go home i was relieved that i hadn't run into him anymore that day. i was thinking about how different high school could possibly become knowing that there was someone else there that had the same standards as me jeni and katie. and then i saw him again. he was standing off campus with a few other boys waiting for a ride. how bizarre i thought as i openly stared at him, knowing that he wasn't looking into the car windows.

when i got home that night i decided that i had to do something so it was less awkward. i decided that either i would just start winking or making freak faces at him or something so that if anyone felt awkward it was him. and if circumstance permitted, i would say something to him. either ask him if he thought i knew he went to chatsworth or just explain to him that half smiles were getting way too awkward. i woke up a little bit scared the next morning but relieved that i had some sort of plan. i walked to school a little more confident. then as i passes his breakfast table, i looked over my left shoulder, and quickly scanned then bench before walking to our usual breakfast spot wondering where he could possibly be. i walked to third hour that day a little nervous but ready to make my plan happen, and yet again he wasn't there. i wondered if he had decided on my first instinct of a plan. "avoid at all costs"

i got in the car that day almost dissappointed. i realized that it was probably better if i didn't see or talk to him every day, but i still couldn't help wondering if he was intentionally hiding from me. then there he was again. standing next to the same tree he was next to the day before. that almost confirmed that he had intentionally avoided me. but why? there's not any way he thought of me any of the same ways that i thought of him after the dance. we weren't in love or anything, it was just an awkward situation that was only getting more awkward by the minute.

i saw him a couple more times during the week and found out that he has my history teacher right before i do, so when i'm getting ready to go in, he's coming out, with some chick who wore blue fishnets one day. i never saw him any of the three places i saw him the first day again though. until friday. friday morning as i walked in front of the table that he had breakfast at, i couldn't help but being curious and looking over my left shoulder. and there he was. he raised his brows at me againg, but this time i gave him a full-fledged toothy grin. i'm sick of the awkwardness. we'll see what happens. my bet is that i never talk to him or anything and taht a friendly glance will be it. and i hope that true kind of . but i reallywould like to know what he was thinking last saturday? did he know? or did he think i wouldn't find out until he walked in front of me monday morning? or am i totally stressing over something that he doesn't find awkward at all?? i'm betting on the third but who knows.

"Cheer up your hearts and remember that ye are free to ACT for yourselves"

2009-02-22T18:27:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say that the church is true and that no matter what anyone says or thinks, I know that Heavenly Father loves each one of us. Of couse things are a little rough for me sometimes, and yesterday was one of those days kind of. Matt called and i totally wasn't expecting it or anything, and he ended up hanging up on me because i wasn't saying the kind of things he wants to hear. Of course I felt bad, and it made for a rough couple hours in my head contemplating how and why I got myself into this. Then i had the opportunity to go to a bi-stake dance. There weren't very many people there, but yet again it proved to me that this is where i'm supposed to be right now. I went with one of my friends from the ward (Alison i love you :) and i ended up having a blast. It's been really hard to try to be myself here and to not worry about what people will say or think, but I felt like I at least tried and wanted to put myself out there even if it did include getting some comments from girls in seminary like "wow you really get crazy at stake dances." i wanted to be like "no this is me. i like to be happy and smile and dance like a freak." then because i was putting myself out there i had the opportunity to be asked to dance on most of the slow songs (there was only like 5 cuz EVERYONE fast dances). It was neat for me to talk to some boys and realize that even if I really was "in love" with matt, that i am going to find someone who shares my standards and wants to do everything for me and live the gospel WITH me, and who is going to take me to the temple, not because i asked him to, but because HE wouldn't settle for anything less. I danced with this one kid who goes to John Burroughs High School! Yes that's right all you show choir-ers out there, you will be here competing agaist his school in 3 weeks!!!! It was fun to meet all the North Hollywood kids and see that the gospel is true all over the world and that I belong to the true and living church. Then on top of feeling better about things after the dance, I sang in sacrement meeting today. Of course whether i stunk it up or not, that's like a given massive amount of compliments from the ward. It made me feel very welcome and like I am actually a part of this ward and help contribute to it. Every time I feel down while I'm here something happens that reminds me that I CHOSE to ACT and get out of a situation that could have, and probably would have, cost me eternity. Heavenly Father loves me enough that he allowed me to still somehow have the strength to decide to choose the right. I felt like I was slowing drifting away from not only my standards but the holy ghost and losing my desire to choose the right. Somehow i was granted a miracle and I want everyone who takes the time to read this to know that I'm grateful. I'm so happy to be here even if it is hard and different and kind of lonely. It's right and that's what matters.

how can i get through a year of spanish, how can i not look dumb in track, how can I gain 20 pounds by friday, how can i make my voice not cRAck??

2009-02-20T22:09:00.000-08:00

there's so much going on. i should have started doing this like the minute i got here and then it would be easier to explain things now. i feel so stressed, but then absolutely no stress at all. i also feel so independent, but then so reliant on my grandparents. then i feel nervous and afraid yet totally confident. i don't really know anyone at school or anything, but it's like i've been totally okay with it. i know that it will get more frusterating with time though. it's been two weeks and so i expected that by now i would be comfortable at school. i feel like i've gotten really into the swing of things, but then it's like i feel so different from people that i don't want to open up and be myself at school because i believe mostly opposite of what everyone around me believes. i'm very comfortable at seminary and even more so at church in my ward. its weird cuz that should be visa versa because i see the seminary class every day and the girls in my ward only twice a week, but things are how they are and i like it like that.
i had this really weird kid follow me at school today. he's got a twin and is asia and is prolly like six foot, but really awkward still and is nerdy, but not like smart nerdy, like fantasy book, dragon nerdy. he was telling me a joke that i wasn't really paying attention to when the bell rang and he started following me and then when i didn't laugh at his joke i thought he would leave me alone. then he followed me into the E-hall (where my locker is) and i was tempted to not go to my locker so he wouldn't know where it was, but i thought i could slip away from him and get to it. well it didn't work. he just stood and continued jokes while i put my books back in my locker. then i intentionally went through another hallway to get to the street rather than going straight to the parking lot, and he followed me through that hall too, and then i realized that his brother had been in class with us, but that he wasn't with us and then i realized that he was like actually following me. then i remembered that he made sure i was in his history group, and i accidentally informed him i was also in his science class which is like a one in a billion chance. well when he was out of dumb jokes that i was intentionally not laughing at (about para- and quadra- palegics) he started talking about magic tricks. MAGIC TRICKS!!!!!!! i was like oh my heavens, what am i going to do. then when we got to the street i made sure that i wasn't going the direction he was and he was "ok. bye. see you monday!" i was like oh crap. so i'm going to have to deal with him on monday now and he knows where my locker is now. yea if u have any advice, anyone, let me know! okay well i'm tired so goodnight!

fun with the cousins

2009-02-20T16:07:00.001-08:00

matt and shirly and their kids came last week to go to disneyland. they invited me to go with them on valentines day (matt got in free) and i accepted. before we left i was already attatched to their 2 girls. mostly kalei. it was a fun weekend and nice to get to see them and get to know them a little better. their baby is adorable and it was fun to have a little bit of noise in this house that is still very awkwardly quiet for me. anyways...me and my buddy took some pix and i think she is the cutest little girl ever. she is still really little and has a little speech problem that is so cute. it was a really fun weekend. boy am i glad that i have the knowledge of eternal family, and i'm so grateful to have them as a part of mine!

no stitches

2009-02-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

Just so everyone knows, the rumors ARE NOT true. i did not fall off my bunk bed no matter how amusing that story is! i was sleeping in the sewing room with hoku and kalei and hoku was on the top and i was getting in bed to sleep with kalei on the bottom. after i turned the light off i didn't want to kneel on kalei when i got into the bed so i was trying to be careful but couldn't see the book shelf that was next to the bed. the cut on my head is the exact size as the width of the side board on the bookcase. it wasn't an impact wound. it was a puncture wound. it was sharp and jabbed into me. we contemplated the hospital cuz the cut was fairly open, but not too deep. we decided there would only have be glue and no stitches and that i would live if there was a little scar. it looks better now, but here's a pic....

California

2009-02-18T16:45:00.001-08:00

holy moly! i'm not sure i really believe i'm here. everyone once in a while i step back and am like "WOE BETSY" it's really strange. The other day at school i courageously took my eyes off the sidewalk and looked at the environment i was in and it was a little too much. I swore to try again later, before i looked back at the sidewalk. I'm happy though. Happier than i've been in a year and a half. Crazy huh? i never thought that at the loneliest point in my life i'd feel less lonely than i was at home surrounded by my friends. it's been real eye opening. i've never felt so --on the outside?-- in my life. it's like i'm looking down on my life, and my past and analyzing the things i've done and the things i'm doing, and life all of a sudden makes sense again. i am blown away by how blind i've really really been. well...welcome to my blog!